It makes me sad that "drink specials" in NYC are $10 pitchers of Bud Light.
It's 4:10 PM here, and it's Friday, and I should be drinking. :(
Friday, March 31, 2006
Yo-J
Does anyone remember Yo-J? It was like juice, but also like yogurt. I remember liking it.
I notice that I remember liking a lot of things from my childhood, but once I experience them again, my illusion is shattered.
Examples:
* Clarissa Explains It All
* Barbies
* Grape soda
* Glow-worm
* My Little Ponies
There are also things that are just as good as I remember them, if not better.
* PeeWee's Playhouse
* Fraggle Rock
* Those long thin popsicles that you get in boxes of 8 million that come in flavors of purple, red, and heaven
* McDonald's birthday cake (I haven't actually had this in the last decade or so, but those sugar decorations will always be fabulous)
* Late-night soft-core porn
* Muppets
I notice that I remember liking a lot of things from my childhood, but once I experience them again, my illusion is shattered.
Examples:
* Clarissa Explains It All
* Barbies
* Grape soda
* Glow-worm
* My Little Ponies
There are also things that are just as good as I remember them, if not better.
* PeeWee's Playhouse
* Fraggle Rock
* Those long thin popsicles that you get in boxes of 8 million that come in flavors of purple, red, and heaven
* McDonald's birthday cake (I haven't actually had this in the last decade or so, but those sugar decorations will always be fabulous)
* Late-night soft-core porn
* Muppets
Feel my muscle. No, feel it.
I joined a gym on Wednesday, for several reasons.
* They are ingenious marketers. I went to their website (Crunch) and entered to win a free membership. However, I did not ask to get info on joining. The next day I get a phone call "Congratulations you have won a free membership!" It turns out I need to go to the gym to scratch off a card to see how long my free membership is. This got me thinking, so I went back to their website, and lo and behold (who says lo and behold?! apparently me.) everyone wins a free membership. Most of them are for a week, but they can go up to a year. So, I walk into the gym to "claim my prize" knowing that it is a ruse. Remember that.
As I'm filling out the requisite mother's-maiden-name, favorite-childhood-toy, best-sexual-position-in-a-bathroom form, Colin approaches me. He is very chatty, almost forcibly so. He takes me back to his desk where he tries to get me excited about winning the contest. I say to Colin, "Colin, I'm on to you. I know it's a ruse. I'm smarter than you think I am, so stop talking down to me and get me a Diet Coke," or something similar. He laughs and says that I should just scratch off my damn card. I do, and win a free week (which is actually losing, in this ruse-of-a-game). He decides that this means he should give me a tour. I agree, but only for reason 2 listed below.
The gym was good. It had gym-type machines, and fit-type people which is pretty much all I expect in a gym. Also it had that wonderful gym smell. It's a clever mix of sweat, cleaning supplies, energy, and hatred. I'd buy it in a glade candle. They also have a boxing ring. If I had a nickel for every time I've felt the need for a boxing ring... um...
So, we end the tour, and we sit down to talk prices. Keep in mind, I still feel smart because I have figured them out. To make a long story short, I have now committed to a one-year membership and 20 personal training sessions. This was, in Pete's words: "an orgy of bad judgment." But like Colin and Rob and every one of their cult-like sales people said, this is an investment in Me. Whatever, I fell for their marketing. I even fell beyond their marketing.
Colin: "You should get 10 personal training sessions."
Rob: "Or 15."
Lindsey: "Okay, I'll get 20. Can I get a t-shirt too?"
My personal trainer's name is Richard. His chest is quite wide and he is very tall. When he found out he was my trainer he looked me up and down and got an evil smile on his face, like he was envisioning the pain he was going to put me through. I believe that he is a sadist.
Now what was I talking about? Oh yeah, reasons my gym rocks.
* Chris Meloni goes to my gym. He does. My roommate saw him there. This may be the motivation I need to work out.
* http://www.crunch.com/downloads/index.asp Check out the commercials on the bottom. (Sidenote-how do I do the hyperlink thing?)
* The walls are crazy colors, like purple and red. It's like the 80's, but with more sweat. (I know, how could there be more sweat than the 80's?! There just is, my friend. There just is.)
* I am signed up for a full year, so I need to feel that it's awesome to justify my money-spending. Yay for self-delusion.
* They are ingenious marketers. I went to their website (Crunch) and entered to win a free membership. However, I did not ask to get info on joining. The next day I get a phone call "Congratulations you have won a free membership!" It turns out I need to go to the gym to scratch off a card to see how long my free membership is. This got me thinking, so I went back to their website, and lo and behold (who says lo and behold?! apparently me.) everyone wins a free membership. Most of them are for a week, but they can go up to a year. So, I walk into the gym to "claim my prize" knowing that it is a ruse. Remember that.
As I'm filling out the requisite mother's-maiden-name, favorite-childhood-toy, best-sexual-position-in-a-bathroom form, Colin approaches me. He is very chatty, almost forcibly so. He takes me back to his desk where he tries to get me excited about winning the contest. I say to Colin, "Colin, I'm on to you. I know it's a ruse. I'm smarter than you think I am, so stop talking down to me and get me a Diet Coke," or something similar. He laughs and says that I should just scratch off my damn card. I do, and win a free week (which is actually losing, in this ruse-of-a-game). He decides that this means he should give me a tour. I agree, but only for reason 2 listed below.
The gym was good. It had gym-type machines, and fit-type people which is pretty much all I expect in a gym. Also it had that wonderful gym smell. It's a clever mix of sweat, cleaning supplies, energy, and hatred. I'd buy it in a glade candle. They also have a boxing ring. If I had a nickel for every time I've felt the need for a boxing ring... um...
So, we end the tour, and we sit down to talk prices. Keep in mind, I still feel smart because I have figured them out. To make a long story short, I have now committed to a one-year membership and 20 personal training sessions. This was, in Pete's words: "an orgy of bad judgment." But like Colin and Rob and every one of their cult-like sales people said, this is an investment in Me. Whatever, I fell for their marketing. I even fell beyond their marketing.
Colin: "You should get 10 personal training sessions."
Rob: "Or 15."
Lindsey: "Okay, I'll get 20. Can I get a t-shirt too?"
My personal trainer's name is Richard. His chest is quite wide and he is very tall. When he found out he was my trainer he looked me up and down and got an evil smile on his face, like he was envisioning the pain he was going to put me through. I believe that he is a sadist.
Now what was I talking about? Oh yeah, reasons my gym rocks.
* Chris Meloni goes to my gym. He does. My roommate saw him there. This may be the motivation I need to work out.
* http://www.crunch.com/downloads/index.asp Check out the commercials on the bottom. (Sidenote-how do I do the hyperlink thing?)
* The walls are crazy colors, like purple and red. It's like the 80's, but with more sweat. (I know, how could there be more sweat than the 80's?! There just is, my friend. There just is.)
* I am signed up for a full year, so I need to feel that it's awesome to justify my money-spending. Yay for self-delusion.
I still think...
that Joey should've ended up with Dawson.
I know it's been years, and it was only a TV show, but come on.
I know it's been years, and it was only a TV show, but come on.
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Dear CMB,
I like that you read my blog. I like that anyone reads my blog. It's just that I'm so shocked when my friends actually read it, I find it difficult to believe that someone who doesn't know me finds me amusing.
Please, read on, and respond often. I dedicate this post (and the next one which will most likely be much more intersting than this one) to you.
Please, read on, and respond often. I dedicate this post (and the next one which will most likely be much more intersting than this one) to you.
Gay for a Day
If you were gay for a day (or straight for a day, if you are actualy gay), who would be your "Person-to-sleep-with"?
Mine would be, without a doubt, Supernanny.
I hope she brings the "Naughty chair."
And if you're bisexual... I don't want to hear about it.
Girls' Night Out
I decided to harness my waking-up-at-4 PM energy and go out again tonight. I went out dancing, which was a mistake from the beginning. The extent of my dancing is the off-beat headbob and the sprinkler. It was pretty much what I expected with one exception: the bathroom. They had guys to open the stall door for you, pump the soap pump, and turn the water on. And they had mints.
I did, however, have an intersting drink called "The Fat Black Pussycat" which was also the name of the club. It was black, with a cherry, and it tasted like childhood in a glass.
I put this photo up because it was the one I looked best in. The guy in the photo is Robert (I think). I'm not good with names.
Saturday, March 25, 2006
Ungh
Tonight (last night) was by far the weirdest since I came to NY. It's possibly the most random of my life, but I'm far too close to it to make that kind of assumption.
Rather than give the blow by blow rundown, I'll tell you what sticks out in my head.
Citibar, pool, cuestick to eye, am nicknamed blowjob queen (what?!), $100, wait no - $50, laugh.
Bar Coastal, break up fight about cuestick to eye, continue to be referred to as blowjob queen.
Cab, people from Wisconsin beat women, guy threatens Dan, Dan threatens me, constant cycle.
Some strip club, people on my lap, dollars in g-strings, more almost-fights, no $20!, bathrooms without doors, goodbye Alan. (Is that even your name?)
Home with Dan, no food places deliver at 4 am, shh-don't wake Critter.
Gas station, donuts, pizza combos, bad sandwiches, diet coke.
Home again, TV shows, why is it light out at night?, goodbye Dan, blog, bed at 6:28 AM.
Sleep forever.
Rather than give the blow by blow rundown, I'll tell you what sticks out in my head.
Citibar, pool, cuestick to eye, am nicknamed blowjob queen (what?!), $100, wait no - $50, laugh.
Bar Coastal, break up fight about cuestick to eye, continue to be referred to as blowjob queen.
Cab, people from Wisconsin beat women, guy threatens Dan, Dan threatens me, constant cycle.
Some strip club, people on my lap, dollars in g-strings, more almost-fights, no $20!, bathrooms without doors, goodbye Alan. (Is that even your name?)
Home with Dan, no food places deliver at 4 am, shh-don't wake Critter.
Gas station, donuts, pizza combos, bad sandwiches, diet coke.
Home again, TV shows, why is it light out at night?, goodbye Dan, blog, bed at 6:28 AM.
Sleep forever.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Poll: Things That Are Underrated
* Owning a pet
* Watching cartoons
* Most of our rights/privileges
* Good friends
* An ice-cold just-beginning-to-freeze can of Diet Coke on a hot summer day
* Samantha Brown (Travel Channel)
* Not being sick
* Sarcasm
* Roof Access
* Drinking soda in the shower
* Watching cartoons
* Most of our rights/privileges
* Good friends
* An ice-cold just-beginning-to-freeze can of Diet Coke on a hot summer day
* Samantha Brown (Travel Channel)
* Not being sick
* Sarcasm
* Roof Access
* Drinking soda in the shower
Poll: Things That Are Overrated
* Maturity
* Good grades
* Waking up early
* Solitude
* Money
* Advances of technology
* Speaking a second language
* Being completely drug-free
* Multi-tasking electronics
* The importance of one vote
* Good grades
* Waking up early
* Solitude
* Money
* Advances of technology
* Speaking a second language
* Being completely drug-free
* Multi-tasking electronics
* The importance of one vote
Just Give Up
I'm watching The View (during commercials of The Price is Right while I waited for the super to fix our shower.... just wanted to make sure that you know I don't normally watch The View). There's a guy, Larry Norton, talking about cancer. In the five minutes that I've been watching he has said that we might get cancer because:
*Our skin doesn't see the sun enough, and when it does it's protected
*We don't take enough Vitamin D
*We don't take enough calcium
*We take vitamins in pill-form instead of in food-form
*Smoking
*We take too many vitamins
Basically what I'm getting is that we don't know. The only non-confusing one is smoking, but even 60% of people with lung cancer never smoked a cigarette in their life (according to the sign in the subway). Some studies show that not having kids increases your risk of cancer.
In the end there are very few things we know for sure. Don't beat yourself up for smoking every once in a while, or having a soda, or forgetting your vitamin. Maybe that "mistake" will be the thing that keeps you cancer-free.
I'm aware that this makes me sound like one of those people who distrust "science" and the "government," but I'm not. Studies that actually get published are put through a rigorous screening process. However, it is important to look at what the study actually found rather than the conclusions that other people make from it.
Okay, that's my public service announcement. Now back to the pointless dribble. Yay!
*Our skin doesn't see the sun enough, and when it does it's protected
*We don't take enough Vitamin D
*We don't take enough calcium
*We take vitamins in pill-form instead of in food-form
*Smoking
*We take too many vitamins
Basically what I'm getting is that we don't know. The only non-confusing one is smoking, but even 60% of people with lung cancer never smoked a cigarette in their life (according to the sign in the subway). Some studies show that not having kids increases your risk of cancer.
In the end there are very few things we know for sure. Don't beat yourself up for smoking every once in a while, or having a soda, or forgetting your vitamin. Maybe that "mistake" will be the thing that keeps you cancer-free.
I'm aware that this makes me sound like one of those people who distrust "science" and the "government," but I'm not. Studies that actually get published are put through a rigorous screening process. However, it is important to look at what the study actually found rather than the conclusions that other people make from it.
Okay, that's my public service announcement. Now back to the pointless dribble. Yay!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
When I buy a new book I always read the last page first, that way in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friends, is a dark side.
The best type of movie quote is one that is good even if you have not seen the movie. When Harry Met Sally is a very quotable movie. I like it.
Other quoteable movies:
*Ghostbusters - "Listen! Do you smell something?"
*Harold and Kumar - "You know the Holocaust? Picture the exact opposite of that."
*Hedwig - "When I think of all the people I have come upon in my travels I must think of all the people who have come upon me."
*Queer as Folk - "The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. They say that men think about sex every 27 seconds. Of course, that's straight men. With gay men it's every 9."
*Sex and the City - "Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away."
*The Matchmaker - "Is being an idiot like being high all the time? No, it's like constantly being right."
*Bridget Jones' Diary - "At times like this, continuing with one's life seems impossible and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable. I have two choices: To give up, and accept permanent state of spinsterhood and eventual eating by dogs-or not. This time I choose not."
*PCU - Pres. Garcia Thompson: "You passed out cigarettes for a smoke-a-thon on Earth Day. You installed speed bumps on the handicapped ramps and, most recently, you dumped 100 pounds of... MEAT on a peaceful vegan protest!
Droz: "Oh, come on! That was way more than 100 pounds."
*Breakfast at Tiffany's - "You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you. I must say, the mind reels."
*Ferris Bueller - "I do have a test today. that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who cares if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. It still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car."
*Tommy Boy - "It's called reading! Top to bottom, left to right... a group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches... Midol for any cramps."
I love a good movie quote.
Other quoteable movies:
*Ghostbusters - "Listen! Do you smell something?"
*Harold and Kumar - "You know the Holocaust? Picture the exact opposite of that."
*Hedwig - "When I think of all the people I have come upon in my travels I must think of all the people who have come upon me."
*Queer as Folk - "The thing you need to know is, it's all about sex. They say that men think about sex every 27 seconds. Of course, that's straight men. With gay men it's every 9."
*Sex and the City - "Maybe our mistakes are what make our fate. Without them, what would shape our lives? Perhaps if we never veered off course, we wouldn't fall in love, or have babies, or be who we are. After all, seasons change. So do cities. People come into your life and people go. But it's comforting to know the ones you love are always in your heart. And if you're very lucky, a plane ride away."
*The Matchmaker - "Is being an idiot like being high all the time? No, it's like constantly being right."
*Bridget Jones' Diary - "At times like this, continuing with one's life seems impossible and eating the entire contents of one's fridge seems inevitable. I have two choices: To give up, and accept permanent state of spinsterhood and eventual eating by dogs-or not. This time I choose not."
*PCU - Pres. Garcia Thompson: "You passed out cigarettes for a smoke-a-thon on Earth Day. You installed speed bumps on the handicapped ramps and, most recently, you dumped 100 pounds of... MEAT on a peaceful vegan protest!
Droz: "Oh, come on! That was way more than 100 pounds."
*Breakfast at Tiffany's - "You could always tell what kind of a person a man thinks you are by the earrings he gives you. I must say, the mind reels."
*Ferris Bueller - "I do have a test today. that wasn't bullshit. It's on European socialism. I mean, really, what's the point? I'm not European. I don't plan on being European. So who cares if they're socialists? They could be fascist anarchists. It still doesn't change the fact that I don't own a car."
*Tommy Boy - "It's called reading! Top to bottom, left to right... a group of words together is called a sentence. Take Tylenol for any headaches... Midol for any cramps."
I love a good movie quote.
Is suicide the answer? No. Muppet porn is the answer.
I've decided to become a better person. Some of you might think that this means living a healthier lifestyle, or picking up litter, or not kicking infants with terminal diseases. No, none of these. I have decided to join a suicide hotline.
Actually, I decided to interview. I'm not quite sure if I want to do it yet since it requires 40 hours of training, three 5-hours shifts and one weekday overnight shift a month, and is fairly high-stress.
The interview was in the village, which I haven't explored nearly enough, so I went 3 hours early. I found a Chipotle (yay!) and a pet store, but more about that later. When I finally got to the interview place (a church), they had me fill out an application. It had a lot of odd questions on it, such as "How would you describe your political / religious / moral views?" They left 2 lines for me to answer. First, I thought "Screw you, that is none of your goddamn business. All you need to know is that I don't think people should kill themselves." Second - two lines?! You're asking me to put my entire philosophy on everything in two lines?! I ended up writing something incredibly vague, like "I think puppies should not be made into large jackets." Thankfully they didn't question me on it.
As I was filling out this odd application, a mouse ran out of the bench I was sitting on, hit my foot, paused, then ran back in. No one else saw it, but I'm pretty sure I now have the plague. I then tried to catch it, keep it as a pet, and name it Sigmund, but failed miserably.
When we had all filled out our applications (except Sigmund, who may or may not actually exist), we all crowded into a tiny elevator to get to the second floor. The doors closed, and we didn't go anywhere. Apparently you need to press the floor you were on, the floor you wanted to go to, and then the floor you were on again. It took them a while to figure it out, and I was incredibly tempted to screan "I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF IF I DON'T GET OUT OF THIS ELEVATOR!," just to see what an elevator full of suicide counselors would do. I didn't scream anything, though, and now I regret it.
During the actual one on one interview, they seemed to really want to find some horrible event in my past that made me want to be a hotline worker. Finally my interviewer said "Well, we can't all be schizophrenic incest survivors." I think he was kidding... I think...
I'm also looking at other volunteer opportunities. I'm waiting to hear back from the Harlem YMCA and I submitted an application to CASA-NYC (http://www.casa-nyc.org/). If you have any ideas of other stuff I can do, let me know.
And no, Jason, that's not what I meant.
Actually, I decided to interview. I'm not quite sure if I want to do it yet since it requires 40 hours of training, three 5-hours shifts and one weekday overnight shift a month, and is fairly high-stress.
The interview was in the village, which I haven't explored nearly enough, so I went 3 hours early. I found a Chipotle (yay!) and a pet store, but more about that later. When I finally got to the interview place (a church), they had me fill out an application. It had a lot of odd questions on it, such as "How would you describe your political / religious / moral views?" They left 2 lines for me to answer. First, I thought "Screw you, that is none of your goddamn business. All you need to know is that I don't think people should kill themselves." Second - two lines?! You're asking me to put my entire philosophy on everything in two lines?! I ended up writing something incredibly vague, like "I think puppies should not be made into large jackets." Thankfully they didn't question me on it.
As I was filling out this odd application, a mouse ran out of the bench I was sitting on, hit my foot, paused, then ran back in. No one else saw it, but I'm pretty sure I now have the plague. I then tried to catch it, keep it as a pet, and name it Sigmund, but failed miserably.
When we had all filled out our applications (except Sigmund, who may or may not actually exist), we all crowded into a tiny elevator to get to the second floor. The doors closed, and we didn't go anywhere. Apparently you need to press the floor you were on, the floor you wanted to go to, and then the floor you were on again. It took them a while to figure it out, and I was incredibly tempted to screan "I'M GOING TO KILL MYSELF IF I DON'T GET OUT OF THIS ELEVATOR!," just to see what an elevator full of suicide counselors would do. I didn't scream anything, though, and now I regret it.
During the actual one on one interview, they seemed to really want to find some horrible event in my past that made me want to be a hotline worker. Finally my interviewer said "Well, we can't all be schizophrenic incest survivors." I think he was kidding... I think...
I'm also looking at other volunteer opportunities. I'm waiting to hear back from the Harlem YMCA and I submitted an application to CASA-NYC (http://www.casa-nyc.org/). If you have any ideas of other stuff I can do, let me know.
And no, Jason, that's not what I meant.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Fun Quotes
"Well, not everyone can be a schizophrenic survivor of incest..."
--My Suicide Hotline Interviewer
--My Suicide Hotline Interviewer
Childhood Memories + Alcohol = Endless Fun!
I think they should open bars reminiscent of my childhood memories. If there was a bar called "PeeWee's Playhouse," I'd be there all the time. And I'd be drunk. They could even have a word of the day!
We could also have a general "Child of the 80's bar"
Ideas: (Ahh, what the hell, let's make this a poll too)
My Little Pony jello shots
Drunken LiteBrite
Fraggles vs. Doozers drinking games
How much can you drink during the Eureka's Castle theme?
Simon Says... Drink!
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Night. Aprils drink for free!
If I had any sort of start-up money, I'd open this bar. If someone reads this and does it, I expect to drink for free, forever.
Poll #1
In an attempt to have more blog posts with less work on my part, I am starting a series of polls.
You should answer the poll in the comments section, and sign your name. If you don't answer the poll, well, you're ruining it for everyone. RUINING IT!!!
Anywho, poll #1: Pet Peeves - What's your current biggest pet peeve?
Mine: People who walk slowly in front of you taking up the entire sidewalk.
Couple stops walking in busy sidewalk.
Man: "Honey is that the Empire State building?" (points at small newsstand)
Woman: "No, I think it's the Sears Tower... or Ground Zero."
Man: "Let's stand here, blocking the sidewalk, for several hours to ponder it."
Woman: "Okay, honey."
These people shouldn't be allowed to walk in public ever again. In fact, we should punish them publicly, a la Biblical stoning, so that they will serve as an example for everyone else.
Man: "Honey why are there so many yellow cars in New York City?"
Woman: "Hmm, I never noticed. Look, there's another one. And they all have lights on them!"
Man: "Let's call Bobby and ask him, maybe he kno- OWW! MY EYE! I'M BLINDED!"
Lindsey: "And let that be a lesson to the rest of you."
You should answer the poll in the comments section, and sign your name. If you don't answer the poll, well, you're ruining it for everyone. RUINING IT!!!
Anywho, poll #1: Pet Peeves - What's your current biggest pet peeve?
Mine: People who walk slowly in front of you taking up the entire sidewalk.
Couple stops walking in busy sidewalk.
Man: "Honey is that the Empire State building?" (points at small newsstand)
Woman: "No, I think it's the Sears Tower... or Ground Zero."
Man: "Let's stand here, blocking the sidewalk, for several hours to ponder it."
Woman: "Okay, honey."
These people shouldn't be allowed to walk in public ever again. In fact, we should punish them publicly, a la Biblical stoning, so that they will serve as an example for everyone else.
Man: "Honey why are there so many yellow cars in New York City?"
Woman: "Hmm, I never noticed. Look, there's another one. And they all have lights on them!"
Man: "Let's call Bobby and ask him, maybe he kno- OWW! MY EYE! I'M BLINDED!"
Lindsey: "And let that be a lesson to the rest of you."
Technology
Technology is a filthy whore.
No, I mean literally. Sure, it's good for what you want. And if you don't know what you're missing, it'll do just fine. However, think about your favorite fruits of technology.
*The Ipod. I love my iPod, but that doesn't stop it from breaking once a month.
*My Coffeemaker. You know I love my coffeemaker, and those of you who have seen it know that it is high-class (and red!). It can set the temperature of my coffee, the strength, it can brew at a certain time, it beeps when it's done brewing, it beeps when the heater shuts off, and it does a little dance when I'm sad. It even tells me, pictorially, how fresh the current coffee is. HOWEVER, it does not clean itself. I couldn't care less about what temperature my coffee is when it brews (since 90% of the time I forget that I've even poured the cup until it's cold anyways), but I hate to clean it. Actually, last time I really had to clean my coffee maker I bought a new one (the current one).
*This blog. Check out the picture. I did spellcheck on my last post, and it flagged "blog".
I think the person we need to blame is Thomas Vedison (the inventor of the television), obviously.
No, I mean literally. Sure, it's good for what you want. And if you don't know what you're missing, it'll do just fine. However, think about your favorite fruits of technology.
*The Ipod. I love my iPod, but that doesn't stop it from breaking once a month.
*My Coffeemaker. You know I love my coffeemaker, and those of you who have seen it know that it is high-class (and red!). It can set the temperature of my coffee, the strength, it can brew at a certain time, it beeps when it's done brewing, it beeps when the heater shuts off, and it does a little dance when I'm sad. It even tells me, pictorially, how fresh the current coffee is. HOWEVER, it does not clean itself. I couldn't care less about what temperature my coffee is when it brews (since 90% of the time I forget that I've even poured the cup until it's cold anyways), but I hate to clean it. Actually, last time I really had to clean my coffee maker I bought a new one (the current one).
*This blog. Check out the picture. I did spellcheck on my last post, and it flagged "blog".
I think the person we need to blame is Thomas Vedison (the inventor of the television), obviously.
Where is Lindsey?
Where has Lindsey been? Has she died? Why isn't she posting in her blog? And most importantly, why is she talking in the third person?!
If you know me (and I hope you do if you're reading this), you know that I start things and then walk away. Sometimes for years. When I started knitting in high school, I started with a scarf for my Mom. She's still waiting. In my lifetime, I have started the following hobbies:
* Suncatcher Painting
* Stamp Collecting
* Paint by Number
* Macrame
* Needlepoint
* Movie-making
* Writing (several times)
* Sculpting (I made an excellent wizard, but have yet to buy the glass crystal to glue to his hands. It's been 13 years so it probably won't be happening any time soon.)
* Oil painting (This is a current one, even though I haven't painted in months. I bought $300 worth of supplies, so I have to say that I'll re-start any time now.)
... And so many more.
The moral of the story is that I lose interest, so either harangue me into posting or just sit tight and wait. The former is preferred since this wouldn't be the first blog that I abandoned. Like that child, in Reno.
If you know me (and I hope you do if you're reading this), you know that I start things and then walk away. Sometimes for years. When I started knitting in high school, I started with a scarf for my Mom. She's still waiting. In my lifetime, I have started the following hobbies:
* Suncatcher Painting
* Stamp Collecting
* Paint by Number
* Macrame
* Needlepoint
* Movie-making
* Writing (several times)
* Sculpting (I made an excellent wizard, but have yet to buy the glass crystal to glue to his hands. It's been 13 years so it probably won't be happening any time soon.)
* Oil painting (This is a current one, even though I haven't painted in months. I bought $300 worth of supplies, so I have to say that I'll re-start any time now.)
... And so many more.
The moral of the story is that I lose interest, so either harangue me into posting or just sit tight and wait. The former is preferred since this wouldn't be the first blog that I abandoned. Like that child, in Reno.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Pi Day
It's Pi Day. Because pi is 3.14, and today is March 14 (3/14), get it?
I'm going to celebrate by having a diet coke. I don't want any crappy New York pie. I want my Grandma's pie. But that's not an option, so I will use Diet Coke instead.
I'm going to celebrate by having a diet coke. I don't want any crappy New York pie. I want my Grandma's pie. But that's not an option, so I will use Diet Coke instead.
Don't Judge Me!
Today is Taylor Hanson's birthday. Yes, Mr. Hanson is another year older. I don't know what's sadder, the fact that I remembered this, or that when I played MmmBop (in his honor), I still knew all of the words and most of the grunts.
Best not to dwell on this for too long.
Happy Birthday, Taylor, and remember: When you get old and start losing your hair, can you tell me who will still care? Oh yeah, who will care? MmmBop.
I'll care, Taylor. I will care.
Best not to dwell on this for too long.
Happy Birthday, Taylor, and remember: When you get old and start losing your hair, can you tell me who will still care? Oh yeah, who will care? MmmBop.
I'll care, Taylor. I will care.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Damn you, Pigeon.
All I wanted was a cute little photo of the goddamn pigeon, but NO. Well, screw you, you dirty dirty fowl.
What's next, unicorns?
Did you know that ice cream trucks actually exist? They even make the little music-box sound too! Crazy.
Photo Album (click me)
Since I've been taking a lot of photos lately, I decided to open an online photo account. I looked at several different companies and decided to use Ofoto because of their tagline.
However, despite their tagline they do not offer free pot. I asked.
I'm not sure how to get people to view it, but try clicking on "Photo Album." If it doesn't work, email me and I will invite you to view it. Then it will always work for you.
Also you have to have an Ofoto account to view them. This is a safety measure, so if you complain to me about it... you will not have Lindsey-photo access! Sad for you. Anyways, I'm pretty camera-happy so I'll be posting a lot of photos so it'll be worth it to you to have an account.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
To do in NYC
I've been trying to follow some sort of schedule of sightseeing. If I didn't, it'd be June and I would've left my apartment twice. Maybe.
So here's the list as of now:
Guggenheim
MOMA
The Met
Bronx Zoo
The Bodies Exhibition
Madame Tussauds Wax Museum
Ellis Island
Empire State Building
Coney Island
Wall Street
St. Mark's Place
The Early Show
Washington Square Park
Cathedral of St. John the Divine
Chrysler Building
NY Public Library (Ghostbusters!)
NY Stock Exchange
Saint Patrick's Cathedral
Calvary Cemetery
Anything I'm missing? Let me know.
So here's the list as of now:
Guggenheim
MOMA
The Met
Bronx Zoo
The Bodies Exhibition
Madame Tussauds Wax Museum
Ellis Island
Empire State Building
Coney Island
Wall Street
St. Mark's Place
The Early Show
Washington Square Park
Cathedral of St. John the Divine
Chrysler Building
NY Public Library (Ghostbusters!)
NY Stock Exchange
Saint Patrick's Cathedral
Calvary Cemetery
Anything I'm missing? Let me know.
Mondays
Why is it that everywhere I want to go tomorrow is closed Mondays? Didn't we fight for 7-day service in one of our wars?
I did however find a diner that I love. The food is good, they have diet coke in cans, it's great for people watching, and they let me sit there and study. It is fabulous. Also, surprisingly, the coffee isn't bad. I might live there.
I did however find a diner that I love. The food is good, they have diet coke in cans, it's great for people watching, and they let me sit there and study. It is fabulous. Also, surprisingly, the coffee isn't bad. I might live there.
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Public Access
I've recently become obsessed with public access TV. It's great, because one minute it can be something very uplifting, then some old guy talking about a cult, then amateur porn, then maybe a kid's show.
You can watch it at http://www.mnn.org/
And there are four channels. Four!
You can watch it at http://www.mnn.org/
And there are four channels. Four!
Thursday, March 09, 2006
True?
Scorpio (me)
The Scorpio will stop at nothing to fulfil their desires. They are power-hungry, domineering and ruthless. But apart from these good qualities the Scorpio can also be very jealous. If you are proud of an accomplishment they will take great pleasure in demoralising you and will undermine your success. Obsession with sex is of course their greatest interest. It’s easy to fall in love with them but, like a praying mantis, they will destroy you when it’s all over. Scorpios are hopeless as care assistants but they are excellent prostitutes, inquisitors and interrogators.
The Scorpio lover is greedy and intense and takes no interest in his partner’s satisfaction. They are completely amoral and display no tenderness or affection. They will sleep with anybody.
The Scorpio will stop at nothing to fulfil their desires. They are power-hungry, domineering and ruthless. But apart from these good qualities the Scorpio can also be very jealous. If you are proud of an accomplishment they will take great pleasure in demoralising you and will undermine your success. Obsession with sex is of course their greatest interest. It’s easy to fall in love with them but, like a praying mantis, they will destroy you when it’s all over. Scorpios are hopeless as care assistants but they are excellent prostitutes, inquisitors and interrogators.
The Scorpio lover is greedy and intense and takes no interest in his partner’s satisfaction. They are completely amoral and display no tenderness or affection. They will sleep with anybody.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Bzzzz
I miss my tickle-me-cookie-monster. It was vaguely sexual, but generally he was just a good guy. "Hah hah hah hee, Hah hah hah hee, Oh boy oh boy!"
Apparently this is a photo of tickle-me-cookie-monster during his bondage years. He's a good little buddy, but the crack got to him. Stay away from drugs, kids!
Naturally Nocturnal
I believe that I am meant to sleep during the day. It is after 4:00 AM, and I'm completely alert. I haven't had any caffeine, and I didn't sleep a lot last night.
This leads me to the obvious conclusion: my ancestors were flying squirrels.
Reeve
Not to be a complete bitch, but why is the public so upset about Christopher Reeve's wife's death? People die all the time. Yes she had cancer, but people die from that all the time too. Yes her husband died and they had kids, but again, it happens all the time. And those kids are significantly better off than most in their position.
It's sad when anyone dies, but I don't see why it's more sad when certain people die.
It's sad when anyone dies, but I don't see why it's more sad when certain people die.
Seinfeld
Randomly happened upon Jerry's restaurant. Did you ever notice that the inside never matches the outside? It's an eternal mystery.
Life is Complete
Grocery by my apartment. Now I can see how people can go their entire life without ever leaving their block. Seriously, what more could you possibly need?
Not enough cowboy on cowboy action
Last Friday I went to an event for people who are "new to NYC." I felt a little dumb, but I wanted to get out of the apartment. At said event I met some decently nice people, had quite possibly the worst cosmopolitan ever made, and freaked out my mom by telling her that I was going out at night by myself in New York City. She strongly believes that it is is a fluke that I have not yet been murdered.
Saturday Dan (Manna) and I went to a Mexican place where we had burritos that were stuffed with what tasted like rats. The atmosphere contributed to the badness. I didn't think anything wraped in a tortilla could be so foul (with the exception of my 10th grade math teacher, but that's a long story).
We then went to brokeback mountain. I didn't like it, and this is why:
*Very little naked cowboy sex. Very little. Just enough to keep me from asking for my money back.
*Guy in front of us kept glaring at me/Dan. We were in the makeout seats in the back! It's expected that we're loud! Just be glad that we were talking and not making squishing sounds.
*The theatre didn't have nuclear squirms. Nor did they have sprite. It's a horrible world we live in. Also, the bathrooms smelled and had a long line.
*The movie script seemed to be written in about 5 minutes.
*There was very little lead-up to them being gay. It was just sort of "well, we're sleeping in the same tent, we might as well have anal sex." Although this has happened many times before, it didn't seem to work in the film.
*I saw Michelle Williams' boobs. It ruined Dawson's Creek for me forever. Either that or made it much more interesting... No! It ruined it!
*Dee-pak, a colorful limo driver we met on the way to the movie, didn't see it with us. It's a shame, because we would've filled the make-out row then.
All of these combined made for a mediocre movie-viewing experience. Thank God I had such a tall person to talk to, or it wouldn't have been a fun night.
Random side note, as mentioned by Dan, a horrible safeword for anal sex is "Harder." Remember that, kiddies.
Saturday Dan (Manna) and I went to a Mexican place where we had burritos that were stuffed with what tasted like rats. The atmosphere contributed to the badness. I didn't think anything wraped in a tortilla could be so foul (with the exception of my 10th grade math teacher, but that's a long story).
We then went to brokeback mountain. I didn't like it, and this is why:
*Very little naked cowboy sex. Very little. Just enough to keep me from asking for my money back.
*Guy in front of us kept glaring at me/Dan. We were in the makeout seats in the back! It's expected that we're loud! Just be glad that we were talking and not making squishing sounds.
*The theatre didn't have nuclear squirms. Nor did they have sprite. It's a horrible world we live in. Also, the bathrooms smelled and had a long line.
*The movie script seemed to be written in about 5 minutes.
*There was very little lead-up to them being gay. It was just sort of "well, we're sleeping in the same tent, we might as well have anal sex." Although this has happened many times before, it didn't seem to work in the film.
*I saw Michelle Williams' boobs. It ruined Dawson's Creek for me forever. Either that or made it much more interesting... No! It ruined it!
*Dee-pak, a colorful limo driver we met on the way to the movie, didn't see it with us. It's a shame, because we would've filled the make-out row then.
All of these combined made for a mediocre movie-viewing experience. Thank God I had such a tall person to talk to, or it wouldn't have been a fun night.
Random side note, as mentioned by Dan, a horrible safeword for anal sex is "Harder." Remember that, kiddies.
Kristin
I have reason to believe that my friend Kristin is going to run away and get married to a guy she met on the facebook. I have this, and only this to say to her:
Not to harp on a cow, but I know that you will run away to Disneyworld to get married. And although I realize that they have many witnesses such as Cinderella and Mickey, you really sould have a witness who isn't wearing a costume. So, you should take me. Also, take a guy who is single and attractive to keep me company. If he can hold a conversation, that's good too, but not required.
And I have to say that your wedding should be in the tower of terror, and that you should kiss right when the tower drops. And then drop the bouquet so it gets stuck in the fans and no one ever gets married again. Except me, to this attractive single somewhat-intelligent guy that you are going to set me up with.
And then we'll all go to Epcot center, where you can have your honeymoon in fake-France while I get drunk with my new husband in fake-Germany.
It's a plan.
Not to harp on a cow, but I know that you will run away to Disneyworld to get married. And although I realize that they have many witnesses such as Cinderella and Mickey, you really sould have a witness who isn't wearing a costume. So, you should take me. Also, take a guy who is single and attractive to keep me company. If he can hold a conversation, that's good too, but not required.
And I have to say that your wedding should be in the tower of terror, and that you should kiss right when the tower drops. And then drop the bouquet so it gets stuck in the fans and no one ever gets married again. Except me, to this attractive single somewhat-intelligent guy that you are going to set me up with.
And then we'll all go to Epcot center, where you can have your honeymoon in fake-France while I get drunk with my new husband in fake-Germany.
It's a plan.
Cool people
Did you ever notice that the coolest people in the world are your friends? I believe this for two reasons:
1. I chose them to be my friends, therefore they are worthy of coolness.
2. They chose me as a friend, which makes them cool just in itself.
Some may say, what if, empirically, I am not cool? Then would my friends be un-cool by extension? I say to you: Die. And stop reading my blog, uncool person.
I wrote this at 3:30 AM, so don't give me any crap about it's lack of coolness. Cool?
1. I chose them to be my friends, therefore they are worthy of coolness.
2. They chose me as a friend, which makes them cool just in itself.
Some may say, what if, empirically, I am not cool? Then would my friends be un-cool by extension? I say to you: Die. And stop reading my blog, uncool person.
I wrote this at 3:30 AM, so don't give me any crap about it's lack of coolness. Cool?
Awkward!
God I'm awkward. When my roommate was gone this weekend I:
1. broke the washer and flooded the apartment (and I believe the downstairs neighbor's apartment)
2. broke living room curtain when I tried to raise it
3. broke the kitchen light by turning it on....
4. sliced my thumb open while opening my fraggle rock calendar
5. hurt my other finger when I was closing the band-aid case
You shouldn't trust me in your house, next to small children, or with sharp objects... ever.
1. broke the washer and flooded the apartment (and I believe the downstairs neighbor's apartment)
2. broke living room curtain when I tried to raise it
3. broke the kitchen light by turning it on....
4. sliced my thumb open while opening my fraggle rock calendar
5. hurt my other finger when I was closing the band-aid case
You shouldn't trust me in your house, next to small children, or with sharp objects... ever.
Friday, March 03, 2006
Spackling
It's 4:30 a.m. and I just woke up to go to the bathroom. However, when I opened my door I saw that the light was on. My roommate couldn't sleep and decided to spackle the bathroom window. So, I'm now sitting awake waiting for her to finish so that I can pee.
Weird?
Weird?
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Night 1
I'm in my bedroom, but I won't get to publish this until morning since I shipped my wireless router. I'd check to see when it was getting here, but since I don't have internet, I can't. When it gets here, I'll be sure to check that the tracking website says that it got here.
I have a TV / VCR / DVD player in my room, but I only get about half the channels (which of course are the channels I want to watch). Right now I'm watching MNN, the Manhattan Neighborhood Network. The show is called "The Church of Go Shoot Yourself." I'm a fan.
Plans for tomorrow:
1. Sleep in. Late.
2. Receive boxes from UPS. Unpack.
3. Call Dan.
4. Find Diet Coke and Starbucks.
The apartment is amazing. There are about 3583 rooms. The cat is cute, it's very nicely decorated, and there's a ton of storage space. AND, it's literally 20 feet from Central Park. I can see Central Park from the living room window. I'll post photos... well... when I take them. And when I find my camera cord. There are so many trials and tribulations with moving.
I have a TV / VCR / DVD player in my room, but I only get about half the channels (which of course are the channels I want to watch). Right now I'm watching MNN, the Manhattan Neighborhood Network. The show is called "The Church of Go Shoot Yourself." I'm a fan.
Plans for tomorrow:
1. Sleep in. Late.
2. Receive boxes from UPS. Unpack.
3. Call Dan.
4. Find Diet Coke and Starbucks.
The apartment is amazing. There are about 3583 rooms. The cat is cute, it's very nicely decorated, and there's a ton of storage space. AND, it's literally 20 feet from Central Park. I can see Central Park from the living room window. I'll post photos... well... when I take them. And when I find my camera cord. There are so many trials and tribulations with moving.
Airplane Fun
7:20 EST
I type this while I'm on my plane to New York. I'm also watching The Amityville Horror (the original, of course) on my computer. I had the great pleasure of being searched and frisked by a somewhat attractive, although not my type, security woman. Now the flight attendant is coming with the soda cart. I hope they have diet coke. It's the little things that make me happy.
7:22 EST
They did have diet coke! And it's in a can! And it's cold! I was going to buy some at the airport, but they, for some reason, didn't have any in the entire place. It's like a sign that I belong somewhere else... where diet coke roams free and not everything has a picture of cheese on it (even the cheese had a picture of cheese on it). However, I did buy my new roommate a cheesehead magnet. I suspect that she will love me forever because of this grand gesture. I also bought a pink stuffed frog.
I'd make something up about us starting a new adventure together, but I actually just like how it looks. So, here I am on my plane, with my laptop on watching a classic horror movie with a can of diet coke and a pink little frog. I'd be perfectly happy to stay here forever if the guy behind me didn't keep annoying playing with a loud plastic bag.
7:30 EST
I'm in the perfect seat to re-enact the classic twilight zone "There's... there's someone on the wing!" moment. But I think I've lost any credibility I had when I spent 30 minutes untangling my headphones, only to decide that I wanted the other headphones that were in my bag, untangled.
7:32 EST
To guy behind me: Die. Stop making bag sounds, and die.
7:33 EST
Note to anyone reading this over my shoulder: This is not a death threat, per se, but more of a death hope.
7:34 EST
Note to guy behind me, if you can read this: If this being a death threat would stop you making bag sounds, it is a death threat. To everyone else, especially prosecutors or airline staff of some kind, see 7:33 EST.
7:38 EST
Figured out that I can change my word document to be blue, with white text. I'm not sure why this function exists, and why it's blue and white and not, say, green and purple, but I like it.
7:40 EST
Realized that very few people are still reading this, but will continue to write for the remainder of the flight (70 minutes) to amuse myself.
7:41 EST
Woman two rows up is working on what appears to be the most boring powerpoint presentation ever created. I have a pink frog, cool movie, and soda. I am by far a much cooler person.
7:42 EST
I just itched my nose, and I think the woman next to me thinks I picked it. I wonder if it would be inappropriate to tell her that I was just scratching.
7:43 EST
Decided not to initiate conversation with woman, because I may have to pick my nose before we land, and she will inevitably see it and think that I was lying when I said I was scratching it.
7:44 EST
Realized I couldn't care less if the woman next to me believes I picked my nose.
7:45 EST
Do you ever hurt your finger in the area between the flesh and the nail? I did.
7:46 EST
Kid on movie just snapped off finger in window. I made a loud noise of surprise when it happened and now people are staring. They have good reason to suspect that I am crazy (pink frog is still sitting on tray).
7:47 EST
BAG GUY I WILL FOLLOW YOU HOME AND KILL YOU. I'LL DO IT. POUR THE FUCKING WHATEVER ON YOUR FUCKING TRAY AND THROW THE FUCKING BAG AWAY.
7:48 EST
Old woman just walked to bathroom. Question for Darby (new roommate, flight attendant): What happens when someone dies mid-flight? Where do they put the body? In an overhead storage compartment? I should probably wait until after we have a few other conversations to ask her this...
7:51 EST
Old woman returns. She didn't die, but we have a good hour left of flight time to go.
7:52 EST
I want another diet coke.
7:54 EST
There is a wireless network called "Free Public Wifi," but it doesn't work for me. I think it's a trick.
7:55 EST
THERE'S,... THERE'S,... THERE'S SOMEONE... SOMEONE ON THE WING!
7:55:30 EST
Just kidding.
7:56 EST
Damnit. I should've brought "Lost" to play. Now that's a good airplane show. That and "The Langoliers." My friend Brian and I were going to have an entire airline company where the tickets were absurdly cheap, and we'd show airplane horror movies on the flight for free, but charge hundreds of dollars for earplugs and eye masks (which I realize now are called "blindfolds" by people who... know... words...).
7:58 EST
We're flying above one of the great lakes. Its probably one of those unimportant ones, like Erie or the one that starts with an "O".
8:02 EST
If you need to kill time in the middle of a horror movie, insert a little kid singing a religious song. "Jesus Loves Me" works great. If the kid could also have an imaginary friend that isn't so imaginary, that'd be great too.
8:09 EST
I have renamed my frog "Thomas Jeffrey." Reminder - look up name to see if it's already taken by someone. It was originally named "Baubles", but it didn't suit him. Also, I believe that it is a male frog that is comfortable enough with his froggy sexuality to be pink rather than a female frog, which is what the nametag implied.
8:13 EST
The cross on the movie is turned upside-down! What does it mean?! Thomas and I are intrigued.
8:14 EST
Lesson learned from movie: Don't perform amateur exorcisms. I wonder if there are exorcism classes. Class 1: Pea Soup is your enemy, not your friend. Class 2: The power of Christ compels you. Class 3: Stairs, ouija boards, also not your friend. Class 4: Dress for success (black shirt, white collar).
8:19 EST
Have to pee, but think that taking computer with me might be frowned upon. Will try to wait. Damn diet coke... so good, but so fast traveling.
8:20 EST
This movie is very similar to "The Shining". Crazy Mom, crazier Dad, weird kid with un-imaginary friend, being driven crazy by weird building. Red Rum. Red Rum!
8:24 EST
We are either about to crash, hitting turbulence, about to land, or my bladder is exploding. All seem equally likely.
8:25 EST
Thomas Jeffrey definitely looks stoned. His eyelids are droopy and his pupils are dilated. I like it.
8:42 EST
Had to put computer away because ears weren't popping. They should show video of a person yawning to help people out. I resorted to fake-nose blowing and taking a little red pill that is a decongestent, or something similar.
8:44 EST
Lights of city are amazing. It's very dark out and they are actually twinkling. In big cities, at night, I always feel like a little kid in absolute awe. I like to think about what each of the lights are. One is a grandma making cookies for her grandson, one is a couple settling into their first night as husband and wife, one is an apartment getting robbed, etc.
8:46 EST
We're landing!
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