Moving Day

Things that I'll miss:

* Internet access
* Cable TV (Mets game?)
* Critter
* Laundry in Apartment
* Proximity to subway

Yeah, that's it.

Reader of the Week

It's Jess Berline, or as he likes to refer to himself, "Mr. Brocky".

I've known Jess for less than 2 months, but I feel as if we have a bond, a la the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. He is best known for his "Your Mom" jokes, asking me if I am a lesbian, and yelling at me to DRINK and TALK. He has two cats, Peekie and Mattie. And he's single! Oh, wait, no he's not... I forget sometimes.

Jovial
Endearing
Sexy! (I wish there was an M for Man-Candy)
Squash. He plays it. It's a sport of some kind.

Flibbertigibbit. His middle initial is "B", but come on, flibbertigibbit was too good to pass up.

Beer
Easy
Rogue, but not really. I just wanted to use the word.
Lascivious. I'll be honest, I had to look it up, but it's strangely appropriate.
I originally thought his last name was "Brocky," but that was apparently just a huge lie.
Newtonyc.org, which is how I met him but we don't like to tell people that.
Elevated... he's kind of tall... damnit, too many letters.

Horoscope

Put it into words. Whether it's a new business plan, a proposal for a theater production or a declaration of love, you can and should verbalize it today. That might mean writing, that might mean speaking -- heck, it could mean singing. The important thing is that you just don't leave this latest inspiration unsaid. Nobody, after all, can read your mind.

I have no idea what this latest inspiration would be, except maybe DO NOT DRINK TOO MUCH. Especially when you don't take Vitamin B-12 first.

Alice in Wonderland

I just realized that the sealing wax in Alice in Wonderland isn't "ceiling wax."

A Great Night of Drinking

Has the following characteristics:

* Some heated political discussion sprinkled with shoutings of "YES! That's exactly what I meant!"

* An embarassing moment

* Someone drinks too much (but it's not you)

* A little side action

* Some sort of rivalry: drinking game, pool, cards, etc.

* Recognizing an old "friend" while you're both wasted

* Closing a bar

* Singing along to a bar song (preferably bad, preferably Jewel)

Um, read this (link)

Fun times in Madtown.

Flight Home

Tuesday, 9:19 PM:

I hate flying.

Highlights of Madison

* Beating Pete at pool
* Holding my own while drinking with Pete et al
* Seeing many people (of course)
* Getting wasted on the terrace with Carrie at 5 PM on Sunday
* Friday fish fry
* Family dinner-party thrown for me
* Almost getting a DUI
* Harry Potter Porn
* Having my flight delayed both going to Madison and returning to New York
* Conversations that you can only have in the dark at 2 am while drunk (and with many analogies)
* Killing fairies
* CFACT Meeting, and seeing CFACTers
* Having my drink bought by a random guy after telling everyone how New York guys buy drinks for me... and how it's great.
* Glaring at anyone who comes within 30 feet of me as I sit in the deserted Madison airport typing this.

Orayduh Reader of the Week (Month, Year, whatever)

Kristin...

Karing
Regal
Insipid... NO!
Sexy
Titi Monkey (The word that came up when I was trying to figure out how to spell titallating)
Illicit
Not Unfunny


Miss Kristin Rh*in*ck
Oh goodness. A naked girl.
Can't wait 'til you come.

Back to Wisco

I'm heading home for a few days. While home, I hope to:

* Meet up with friends
* Buy another Bucky t-shirt, since I just stained mine
* Get some Wisconsin trinkets for NY people (don't expect anything fancy, I'll probably buy it in the airport on the way back)
* See parents, family, etc.
* Drink. Drink lots. Drink lots cheaply.
* Visit terrace. Say goodbye. Cry.
* Clean my crap out of the office. Oh how I've missed you, SpongeBob mousepad.
* Eat cheesecurds
* FAC! (Although I may be there by myself, but I don't care.)
* Ship my blender to myself. Margaritas? Pina Coladas? Getting caught in the rain? Yes, yes, and stop quoting that song.

Anything else?

No, Jason. No.

Yeah, Old Lady

Old Lady had a t-shirt that said:

"Pretty Please Plinko"

That's going to be me.

Bob's Dark Side

Girl spins wheel: gets nickel.

Girl: "I'm definitely spinning again, Bob."

Wheel lands on $1.00.

Bob (very dryly): "Wow, you went over when you had just one nickel. That's a rare case of very bad luck. I hope the rest of your life goes much better."

Plinko!

I love The Price Is Right. I like everything about it. I like how people make assinine shirts exclaiming their school's love for Bob; I like how Bob has to be 146 years old, and looks the exact same he did 50 years ago; I like how the games are almost impossible to play (we're going to a random country and staying at a random hotel -- how much?!); I like how Bob tells me to get my pets spayed or neutered every single day; I like how the only people who participate on the show are college students or retired people; But most of all, I like Plinko.

Beep beep ... beep beep beep... $0!!


Sidenote: The retail price of an ipod was just $600 ($200 more than I have ever seen an ipod sell for).

It's a scam!

Beep beep beep... ... ... beep ... PLINKO!

Yankees or Mets?

I'm still trying to decide if I'm a Yankees fan or Mets fan... I'm fairly indifferent to the Brewers, so that's out.

I went to a Yankees game with my parents. For the most part it was fun. How can spending an afternoon watching baseball, eating hotdogs, and drinking beer in the sunshine ever not be fun? However, I didn't really feel the Yankees allegiance. I'll have to go to a Mets game to contrast and compare.

Proud

I'm proud of the fact that Dan was telling me a story, neither of us realizing he had already told it to me until we came to the point in the story where he used the term "blown off." We then both remembered that I, like the 12-year-old that I am, had made fun of that, and that he had indeed already told me that story.

New York, or places out of your norm

I think everyone should move to a place completely outside of home when they're in their early 20's. I've only been in NYC for about 6 weeks, but I've learned a lot about who I am, and more importantly, who I am not.

It's tragic to see people who never really figured it out, people who still need to validate their identity by the people who are around them, rather than by what is inside of them.

I admire the people who already knew this in high school. I'd like to think that I was one of those people, but I'm not sure.

I'll probably write more about this when it isn't 4:15 AM, but for now, take these sage words of advice:

Be yourself. If your friends don't like it, they're not your friends. If you're in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable or simply just not "right", follow your instincts and leave. Never, ever do something you don't want to do to gain the "respect" of your peers. Do what feels good, and take pride in it.

In an ideal culture, this would be imparted on young adults before any geometry or ACT tests or other teenage bullshit is brought into the picture.

Pantyhose

I HATE pantyhose, with a passion. I feel like the feminist movement has not actually succeeded if we are still expected to wear it. If given the choice between the right to vote and the right to not wear pantyhose, I'm not quite sure which one I'd choose.

It is itchy, hell to get on, and tears easily. What is the point of it? It's transparent, so it doesn't count as pants (like tights), and is never worn alone... only with things that would be fine when worn sans pantyhose.

It was obviously invented by a man. He was just sitting there one day when he thought of making uncomfortable, hot, transparent pants for women. Apparently he thought to himself "Great idea, Bob!" His [male] friends probably cheered him on and gave him compliments. It may have been the high point of his entire life.

Sad.

It's like snorkeling.

I swear that I can smell water when I take the subway to Brooklyn.

Paris Theatre

The Paris Theatre has finally changed their movie. It had been "Joyeux Noel" since I moved here, but now it is "Belle De Jour."

I think it's time I buy some crappy candy, a diet coke, and head down to 59th.

Rita Rudner

I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle.

It wasn't mine.

00 Jeans

I think when you buy a pair of size 00 jeans, they should come with a cheeseburger that you are forced to eat.

Sales

I will buy something for 10 dollars that used to be 12 dollars even though I never really watned it in the first place. I'm saving 2 dollars; how can I not take advantage of that?

Stairs

For some reason the one flight of stairs out of the subway seems significantly longer than the three flights up to my apartment.

Gay Sex

I like that I have Queer as Folk on as my background show. I also like that I just looked up to see two women having sex, and it was about as shocking to me as the Weather Channel.

Can I pull this off?

Children

Sometimes I love kids, sometimes I hate them. Today there was an adorable little girl on the subway. We became friends when she told me about her souvenir-type purse that carried popcorn and could make lots of noise when banged against the wall. Then throughout the subway ride she kept looking at me, waiting for me to look back, and smiling devilishly.

However other kids should be shipped off to boarding school immediately and their parents should be banned from reproducing ever again.

I like to think that if I have kids, they will be the coolest kids ever. Their first words will be something random like "frappuccino" or "asparagus." Although they'll probably be stoned for the first 3 months of their life since I intend on being heavily drugged if anything of THAT size is coming out of THERE.

Distrust

I inherently distrust search engines, especially site-specific ones. Even when I'm using it for it's exact intended purpose (searching for a specific comic on comics.com), I doubt that it will point me in the right direction, even though it always does.

Fake To-Do

Today is my fake to-do day. It's when I cross things off my to-do list that probably shouldn't be on there to begin with, such as:

* Watch my netflix movies. Today's options include Alice in Wonderland, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the original... the new one should be burned), and PeeWee's Playhouse, season 1, disc 1.

* Clean my room, not because it's dirty, but so my nazi-esque roommate doesn't do it again.

* Laundry so I can wear my jeans tonight. I need to buy another pair of pants.

* Buy another pair of pants online. Am I too old for American Eagle?

* Write in my blog. I have many backed up entries in my head.

* Make plan for next week. Where to go? What to see?

* Read my new favorite book "Encyclopedia of an Everyday Life" by Amy Krouse Rosenthal. Thanks Kristin. ;)

* Plan Kristin's trip. I know it's not until the end of May, but I'm very excited.

* Take a nap. Mmm... naps on a rainy day.

* Order groceries. And by groceries I mean $40 worth of Diet Coke and maybe a steak or two.

* Look for apartments online. Harlem, here I come.

I'm so important and busy.

Admiration

There are a lot of chances for me to admire things on the subway.

First of all, I admire people who give up their seats. I know it's technically the law with certain seats, but it still makes me feel warm and fuzzy about the world when I see someone actually do it.

I also admire people who have the self-confidence to sing out loud to a song in front of dozens of people, most of whom hate them for disturbing the peace. However, I also hate them because I'm one of the people who likes the peace.

When I got to New York, I admired people who were so familiar with stops, that they knew which side to stand on to get out on their appropriate platform and what car will be closest to their exit, yet least crowded. Today I realized I'm one of those people, at least with my stop. Knowing this makes me feel happy, and at home.

Breakfast

Breakfast is overrated. Why does everyone say it's the most important meal of the day? I think the other meals will feel sad, possibly suicidal.

My trainer (Richard) told me to have breakfast before our last training session. I thought I did. Apparently "2 large cups of black coffee and some residual toothpaste" does not make a good breakfast.

Today my breakfast is spaghetti sauce, ritz crackers, and coffee with cream and equal. I represent all food groups (the sauce is meat-flavored).

Wait... fruit... oh, my toothpaste is mint flavored. Is mint a fruit?

Character

I feel like I shouldn't have to apologize for things that are instrinsically a part of my character.

For example: I hate talking first thing in the morning, especially small talk. My roommate loves to talk to me right away, I grumble and walk away. I do not feel guilty because it is in my character.

Nothing else matters

We all have circumstances that, when we are in them, nothing else seems to matter. You could be going down in a plane, having sex, or both; none of it matters.

For me, at least one of these circumstances is having to pee. At my "mixer" tonight I drank 2 pitchers of water. I went to the bathroom before I left, thinking I'd be fine, but apparently the water was hiding in my body somewhere. I suspect my left foot.

After a 90 minute subway ride (Brooklyn to UWS, with a train change in-between), I thought I was going to die. The motion of the train, the shape of the chair, the annoying-looking kid across from me... all of it reminded me of my full bladder. I actually had to alter the way I was walking it was so bad. But when I finally got to my apartment, it was fabulous.

My point is that 1. don't drink water, drink alcohol and 2. anything could have happened to me, and nothing would have mattered because my bladder was full.

Other such circumstances:
* Wearing shoes that are too small
* Realizing that I forgot to put on deodorant and am starting to sweat
* Having a sliver

More?

Weather

Weather still amazes me. I have lived in climates with sharp seasonal contrasts forever, but it still shocks me when the seasons change. Today was 78 degrees. I was shocked.

Genuinely Good Day

Today was a great day. My parents left (harsh, I know, but we do best when together in smaller doses), I bought a wireless keyboard (using it now!), I got a manicure, and it's absolutely beautiful outside. 75 and sunny. And best of all, I received my regional job assignment. I'm in Manhattan!!! This is supposedly extremely rare since Manhattan is where they need teachers the least (at least in comparison to Brooklyn and the Bronx). I'm definitely on cloud 9 right now.

Tonight I am going to an "accepted applicant mixer" to meet other teaching fellows. I hope to brag about my awesome placement while they lament about being in the Northern Bronx.

Technically I could stay in my apartment now, since the UWS (Upper West Side) is in my regional assignment, but due to many reasons I won't mention here, I need to move as soon as possible.

Well, at least I had 6 weeks where I wasn't looking for an apartment.

Things I do that are odd.

A running list...

* Shout "BREW NOW" when I click the "Brew Now" button on my coffee maker
* When I inevitably forget to put on some pore minimzer lotion that a nazi-esque saleslady made me buy, I mockingly shout "MY GOD my pores will be HUGE now."

More later.

New Words

We need more new words. Or better words. When my "word of the day" is "cum," it means we have to create some new words.

Today's new word: ferturbed. def: slightly annoyed, but mostly indifferent.

As in: Tourists on the subway wearing matching NYC hats make me ferturbed.

A friend is someone who knows you and loves you just the same.

I believe that I, and my friends, are intrinsically better than other people. I understand that you probably already agree with me since you are reading my blog, but let me go through my evidence anyway.

These are some of the attributes I love about my friends, and also try to emulate.

My friends:

* will take a good pub over a danceclub or a lounge any day of the week. I want a place where I can get a pitcher (and the occasional good cosmopolitan), have a conversation, and listen to music.

* understand that "good" music is based mostly on feelings and experiences associated with songs. Also, anything you can drunkenly sing along to is good music.

* are able to talk after years of being apart as if we have lunch together every day.

* laugh at not only ourselves, but others. Nothing is so serious that we cannot laugh at it. However, we also understand that we cannot make most of our jokes in public.

* don't judge each other based on superficial, non-defining-as-a-person events. You made out with an engaged guy you just met on a stoop? Great! You snorted coke off of a key from a stranger in a public restroom? Fabulous!

* do not choose our clothes or belongings based on what is popular. In fact, when we like something that then becomes popular, we actually like it a little less.

* have a vice. Whether it's alcohol, food, drugs, reading hoaky self-help books while drinking phenomenal amounts of diet coke... it's all good.

* will laugh out loud in public, even when by ourselves.

* are never ashamed of being ourselves, even when it means crying, drunk-dialing, or otherwise violating societal norms.

* are brutally honest. Yes, that shirt does make you look fat, but the haagen-dazs doesn't help either.

* are there for each other. Cat died? Boyfriend left? Girlfriend is dumb? TV is kind of staticky? Call me.

* will tell each other when we're repeating a story. Unless the person telling it is really excited about the story, then we'll just nod and smile.

* are not afraid to be the annoying ones. Playing a 1980's version of trivial pursuit during finals week in the quiet room of the university cafe? Excellent. The answer is East Berlin, by the way.

* are random. M: "Do you ever think that you're talking, and no one is really listening?" L: "... my boobs look really big in this top... what were you saying?"

* know that we're funny. Even when other people disagree, we shake our heads and wonder what's wrong with them.

* are not completely sane. We might be manic, or depressed, or bipolar, or just be a little out of it. But, we know that it just makes life more interesting, which is good.

* are unique, despite having most of these things in common.

I am picky with friends. I believe there are several criteria that have to be fulfilled before someone is a "friend" and not just an acquaintance. A friendship of convenience is an oxymoron.

Friends must:

* know each other for at least a year. If it's less than a year, you can't know for sure.

* step up to at least one challenge. Being a friend is a privilege, not a right, and it must be earned.

* be able to be quiet with each other.

* be comfortable with each other. The more comfortable you are, the better. (Although, there are limits... Pete... I don't care if you are genetically flatulent, and Megan... knock louder next time you're early to meet me)

* have seen each other at a not-so-great point. Passed out on the toilet? Crying over a not-worth-it significant other? Falling on your ass? Actually admitting that you watch American Idol? All of these work.

* have at least one inside joke that will always be funny. Some great ones: *It's just Jews... *PIckle-palooza *Nu-unh, he gets the sperm *Life is like a cup of tea, it's all you know how to make.

* experience a "first" together. It must be a first for both of you. The bigger the experience, the better. Highlights from my list of firsts: haunted houses, the Antigo historical museum, gay-pride festival, gay bar, and several illegal activites I won't list here.

* be willing to share chapstick, soda, food, whatever. Random, yes, but still true.

* take your side in a fight. Yes it sounds a little 5th-grade, but it's even more important now.

* be willing to read your insanely long blog entries written at 2:30 AM and comment on them, telling you much how they love them and you, and that they're going to come visit you in New York City. Unless they live in New York City, in which case they are going to buy you a beer.

Girl Drama

Freaks me out. Like on Mean Girls. I can't handle it. Guys are so much simpler. And Kristin is too. And Megan. And Carrie. And any of my other female friends who read this.

11:55 AM, Today

Employee (guy): Yeah, I mean he was cute and everything, and I would've probably fucked him anyways, but I thought he was going to give me money, but then he didn't, and I was like, you know, disappointed.

Customer (old guy): You need money?

Employee: Yeah, I mean, the sex was good and all, but it was with a guy, so you know... money would be nice.

Title: Just for the thrill of it

Songs:

1. Just a Ride -- Jem
2. What About Everything -- Carbon Leaf
3. I Wish -- Skee-Lo
4. Video Killed the Radio Star -- Buggles
5. I Wear My Sunglasses At Night -- Corey Hart
6. Everyday -- Dave Matthews Band
7. You Gotta Be -- Des'ree
8. Que Sera Sera -- Doris Day
9. Proud -- Heather Small
10. Legend of a Cowgirl -- Imani Coppola
11. The Rainbow Connection -- Kermit the Frog
12. What a Wonderful World -- Louis Armstrong
13. Free to Be You and Me -- Marlo Thomas
14. 99 Luft Balloons -- Nena
15. Wig in a Box -- Hedwig and the Angry Inch

** This is a first draft.

Lindseytrack (like Soundrack, but with Lindsey... get it?)

Everyone should have their own soundtrack.

Here are the guidelines:

* 8-15 songs
* Each song should have a different reason for being on the list
* Don't be too obvious (Don't Worry Be Happy can't be on everyone's list)
* Don't just pick songs you like! God!
* The reasons shouldn't be immediately obvious (e.g. "I'm not a hollaback girl, so I'm going to pick that hollaback girl song!")
* You shouldn't pick the hollaback girl song
* The entire soundtrack, when put together, should represent where you are in your life right now; you don't need to talk about your history, or your future -- only as it connects to right now.
* Make sure you actually get the message of the song. It doesn't matter that it sounds happy if it's about how he killed a puppy for his dead girlfriend.
* Be proud of every song, and its reason for being on the list, even if its connotation isn't positive at first glance



These are the official soundtrack rules. Let me know if I've forgotten any.

I will now spend the 20 hours before my test picking my perfect soundtrack. You people know me (hopefully, unless you're CMB, or a stalker), anything I should add?

Impending Doom

Ever feel like something bad, yet undefined, is about to happen?

I assume it's a similar feeling to that of Anne Frank when she thought she heard the doorbell downstairs.


I'm going to get crap for this one, aren't I?

Review Question

Where is the pituitary gland located?

Answer: In the head.

Awake at 7:00 AM!

In an attempt to prepare for my test in a way that doesn't involve studying, I've started waking up early. Today I got up at 7:00 AM. Some of the more observant of you will say, no, you posted this at 8:00 AM. Well, it has taken me an hour to figure out what my name is and what that infernal beeping was.

However, I now have coffee and a toaster streudel and am watching Saved By the Bell. Zack had a crazy plan, but it backfired! Oh they are so original. I think it's time for another made-for-TV reunion movie.

Also, when is a cell phone company going to jump on my Zack Morris phone idea? It would be cheap to make, easy to sell, and incredibly fashionable. I want one in purple, with rhinestones.

Failure is Okay.

Last night, in order to procrastinate more, I went out for "a drink." Long story short, ended up going to sleep at 10 a.m. this morning. I just woke up and am watching The Ellen Degeneres Show that I recorded.

Best line of the night, other than the meat metaphor: "So, this guy in the bathroom asked me to snort some blow off of a key, and of course I did..."

Procratination

It is AMAZING the lengths I will go to to procrastinate.

I'm now watching a baseball game instead of studying.

I'm going to fail this test and be jobless forever. Forever!!

But ooh, the mets are winning.

It's time for a new

AIM screen name. I need ideas, because the last one was kind of a bust.

It must be:
* Funny
* Memorable
* Able to stand the test of time (aka, not "LindsinNYC")

Possible ideas:
* Smurfette
* Diet Coke
* Mike (my original name)
* Bootsrap Whore (Thanks Pete)

Maybe something to do with:
* Diet Coke
* Friday the 13th
* Queer as Folk
* Law and Order

Help!!

Blogging Sabbatical

I may not be posting for a while because my certification test is on Saturday.

Or, I will be posting a lot because I'll be procrastinating studying.

The latter is much more likely. Hence, this post at 3:13 AM.

What ever hapened to mystery?

Jess is nosy.