Oh man I forgot...

I'll be honest. I kind of forgot that I have a blog. Teaching makes you lose your mind that way.

But, I remembered, so here I am.

Updates:

*Teaching is almost over!
*I'm only taking 1 or 2 classes this summer, and they're online. I can sleep until 4 pm and drink diet coke all day. Yes!
*Kristin is coming! At least, I think she is. Then we can sleep until 4 and drink diet coke together.
*I started Weight Watchers with a friend from work. So far I've lost 5.6 pounds. Woo. My fridge is filled with little baggies of fruit and vegetable. In my cupboard are pre-portioned servings of granola. FYI a serving of granola is something like half a teaspoon.
*I moved to Brooklyn and all is well. My roommate and I get along and the commute isn't all that bad.

Public Service Announcement

The ultimate determinant in the struggle now going on for the world will not be bombs and rockets but a test of wills and ideas-a trial of spiritual resolve: the values we hold, the beliefs we cherish and the ideals to which we are dedicated.
--Another Reagan Quote


What are your values and beliefs? Don't say "republican" or "democrat", but what are YOUR beliefs, and where did they come from? In less than 20 months you'll have to stand up for your beliefs in the voting booth. Please, for our future - vote for your beliefs, not for your political party. Vote for the best interests of All Americans, not for your own.


P.S. If you are not going to vote, do not tell me unless you are 100% comfortable with our friendship ending. (It doesn't matter which candidate you vote for in my eyes, as long as you put thought into it and can stand behind your decision.)

Read more!

If you haven't read this week's Time Magazine, stop and pick one up. There's an article titled "Where the Right Went Wrong". It looks at the dismal place the Republicans are currently in, and what Reagan would do and say. For his many faults (and he had quite a few), I believe that Reagan was our best president thusfar. Look at what he did for the Republican party alone - they were able to coast on his ideas for over 20 years. And now, when things have gone to hell, they want him back even though he hasn't been in a political office for over 18 years.


Let me stop lecturing. Here are some good quotes from Mr. Reagan himself (and no, I'm not a republican, but I probably would have been one in 1981).

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.

How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.

You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.

I don't believe in a government that protects us from ourselves.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'

I know in my heart that man is good.
That what is right will always eventually triumph.
And there's purpose and worth to each and every life.

If you're afraid of the future, then get out of the way, stand aside. The people of this country are ready to move again.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
(For those of you who are illiterate, the first was prostitution.)

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.
--Said during a radio microphone test, 1984

Shocker!

Your Personality Is Like Marijuana

You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you! Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down. You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Is this my student?

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

-- Woody Allen

Well, duh.

You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian

You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party. Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both. You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter. You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!

What's Your Political Persuasion?

An Ode to Kristin. I mean Perry.

Linstin. Sangria. Ferries. Fairies. Sushi. Central Park. Spongebob. Cameras. Castles. Ireland. Pot. Trevor. Porn. Pigeons. Subways. The Ugly Clothes Store. Wifeswap. The FBI phone-listening-men. Killing people during sex. Europeans. Queer as Folk. The Office. Home Movies. O'Grady. Walter and Perry. Knitting. 1-100. One two three he's yours. The Price is Right. Arts and Crafts. Walter and Perry. Hoops and Yoyo. Sailors. Rudy's. Hotdogs. Beer. Diet Coke. Diet Cheerwine. Times Square. You girls have ridiculously large... purses. Starbucks. Edamame. Lists. Flatiron Building. Magic Missile. The Diner. Museum of Sex Gift Store. Laundromats. Pedicures. Mitch. Coney Island. Little Italy. Delilah. You're ridiculous. No you're not. Pizza. Garlic. More garlic. Museums. Field-trips. Mets Game. Yoo-hoo. Sneeze. Piercings. Ireland. Operation O'Linstin 2008. Phone-TV-dates. Reefer! Linstin.

I'm sorry you died, but I really can't go out in the rain.

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

--Michael Pritchard



Come to my funeral! Kristin will have a powerpoint presentation made, and there will be Diet Coke served. I hope someone also brings a playstation and some jeopardy (or racing!).

Fun Science Facts

** The most dangerous animal in the world is the common housefly. Because of their habits of visiting animal waste, they transmit more diseases than any other animal.

** Armadillos, opossums, sloths, and teachers on vacation spend about 80% of their lives sleeping.

** The hottest planet in the solar system is Venus, with an estimated surface temperature of 864 F (462 C). (I have been telling the children that Mercury is the hottest planet. It's the closet to the sun!)

** October 10 is National Metric Day. Fuck you, inches!

** No matter its size or thickness, no piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. (I simply do not believe this one. Get me a very large tissue.)

** Knowledge is growing so fast that ninety per cent of what we will know in fifty years time, will be discovered in those fifty years. (You just made this up.)

** According to an old English system of time units, a moment is one and a half minutes.

** The planet Saturn has a density lower than water. So, if placed in water it would float. (The best part about telling kids this is how they mentally build a giant pool to put saturn in.)

** The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. (It used to take me about an hour to fall asleep. Now that I teach, it's more like 2 to 3 seconds.)

** It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (Try it! Try it!)

** There are more living organisms on the skin of a single human being than there are human beings on the surface of the earth.

White trash!

Daytime tv is very trashy. This week I started with a holier-than-thou attitude and I stayed away (except for The Price is Right, of course). But now, by Friday, I've hit rock bottom. I'm watching Maury.

The show today is "Secrets". The woman currently on tv has been dating this guy for 2 years and is now engaged and carrying his baby. She said she has some secrets to tell him, so he came out and sat next to her. He said he loved her, but she couldn't have any secrets that were that bad. Apparently she had not 1 but 4 secrets:

1. I'm not actually single, I'm married.
2. I already have 4 kids. I visit them when you're away.
3. I'm not pregnant.
4. I can never be pregnant because my tubes are tied.

What in the world did they even talk about when they were dating? People I've known for less than 20 minutes know more about me than he knew about her.

It's a good thing I start school again on Monday. I'm pretty sure my brain would melt if I watched any more daytime tv.

Where is she? Where is she?! (link)

Now that's just embarassing.

Office fans: Is it just me, or does this guy sound like Dwight? He didn't have a phone, he grabbed a sword, and he assumed "rape" before sex or porn...

Thank you, Craig Ferguson. (link)

I have been saying this for years. Not because I think she's "vulnerable", but I really don't care. I think it's mildly funny to watch a crazy public figure self-destruct, but there are more important things in life. Anything. Everything. Absolutely everything I can think of is more important than Spears.


Wait, why are you famous, Craig?

Homorevolution! (link)

It's been a while since a feel-good pro-gay post, so here you go. Looks like I have something to talk to my students about next week!

This is my life. (link)

.... which further confirms that the only people who stay in these programs are the ones who started with little to no idealism at all. Even a normal person will cry a bit for the future of humanity when asked to teach in a public school.

I am not condoning this, but... (link)

Clowns are super-creepy. I hate them. I absolutely think that they are as bad as murderers, rapists, or even Nader-voters. Ugh. Take your face paint off and go get a real job. That is, if you didn't get shot lately.

I am on vacation.

And it is glorious. My plan was to sleep about 18 hours a day, and when I was awake I would either be ordering food or watching The Price is Right and/or Law and Order.

I did this for almost 2 hours this morning, and I am already bored, so I have decided to be productive.

Things I've noticed so far this week:

* The Freshdirect delivery man looks at you in a weird way when you order $30 worth of food... and $90 worth of Diet Coke.
* The contestants on The Price is Right are very good-looking. Or, my standards have dropped to a record low.
* I haven't paid bills for anything in roughly 3 months.
* The Sunday New York Times is very large.
* George Foreman grills are incredibly difficult to clean.

Other news to follow. Maybe.

What is your biggest flaw?

If I had to do a job interview, I'd use this as my one and only interview question. The responses fall into several categories:

1. The overly-scripted response. This person has played the game, knew that you'd ask that question, and has a statement ready. Although this is generally good, if you can tell it's scripted, it defeats the purpose. This person is out.

2. The "I didn't think you'd ask that question, but I'll make up an answer I think you'll like. These are the worst. Usually the responses include "Being overly punctual" or "Caring too much about the quality of my work". Did that line get you hired at McDonalds? Yeah? Then go back there.

3. The "I don't know." Honest, yes, but come back with something, anything.

4. The real response. Most people either don't know this or won't say it.

I think my "real response" would be my tendency to make blogs and not update them.

Saturday Morning

I woke up today, Saturday, around 9. I threw on some clothes and walked the 20 feet to Starbucks. I ordered my usual coffee, donut, and NY Times. When I came back I chatted with some neighbors, then ventured up to my apartment to sit on my patio in the 70-degree weather and read my paper. What an excellent morning.

One of the stories I gravitated to was about the surge in New Orleans murders. There have been 8 already this year (yes, 2007). Most of them were males shot in bad neighborhoods, but one case was particularly scary. A couple in their mid-thirties were both shot by an intruder in their home early Thursday morning. As I read the article, I kept looking at their picture. It's not a wedding picture or a "professional" photo taken at Sears.
As you can see, it's much more private than that. It looks like they were out one night when one of their friends randomly snapped a picture. The couple is not posed, and the guy is even holding his hand up in mock indignation (or in greeting, I'm not really sure which). I'm not sure why the picture affected me so much. I think it's because I could easily have a picture like this on my wall. Or I could easily be in a picture like this. I could be that woman. I could be Helen Hill who was shot to death in her own home, while her husband (who was also shot) watched and held their two-year-old daughter.

It's scary when something like this causes a dent in your sense of security. I like my blanket of invulnerability that I feel day to day. Of course I don't live without danger - but I kind of feel like I do. I don't know if I got this from a worry-free childhood, or from the Midwest, or if it's just an ingrained part of my personality, but I like it. I do know that I, like all of you reading this, will die. I also know that chances are it will be painful and "before my time". But at least I'm happy now. If nothing else I've had 23 damn good years, which is more than many others have.

**This post is depressing, random, and un-edited. It's a stream of consciousness caused by the unseasonably warm weather.

Things I never appreciated until I started working a "real" (aka crappy) job

1. TGIF. Yes, in college, I did mutter the phrase "Thank God it's Friday" several times, but I never fully meant it. Nowadays I would kill a person on Tuesday to make it be Friday. I'm not only thanking god on Friday; I'm reassured that there is a God because of Fridays

2. Honestly I really only had the first one. I thought others would come to me as I was writing, but it just didn't happen.

Reasons my neighbors think I'm weird

* I am currently wearing a winter hat (with ear flaps and strings, and a puffball on top), a college t-shirt, and rolled up sweatpants. (All in different shades of red).

* I get up at 6:30 AM on Saturdays and clean, although that is the ONLY time that I clean.

* I shred lots of things in my shredder. In fact, I shred every chance I get. I am tempted to shred the NY Times.

* I have an odd schedule for someone who works a regular job. It's not uncommon for me to go to bed at 5 (am OR pm) and wake up at 5 (am OR pm).

* I watch weird shows.

* I talk to myself. I often laugh at jokes in the shower. Often they are ones that I previously made. "Hah! I said that yesterday. That was HILARIOUS."

* I get lots of deliveries. Let's leave this one alone.

* I have lots of visitors. Some at odd hours.

* I produce a lot of garbage - most of it is Diet Coke containers.

* They hear me shouting things like "BREW NOW BROWN COW" and "THATS MY HOUSE" - even though I live alone.

* I watch them.