Oh man I forgot...

I'll be honest. I kind of forgot that I have a blog. Teaching makes you lose your mind that way.

But, I remembered, so here I am.

Updates:

*Teaching is almost over!
*I'm only taking 1 or 2 classes this summer, and they're online. I can sleep until 4 pm and drink diet coke all day. Yes!
*Kristin is coming! At least, I think she is. Then we can sleep until 4 and drink diet coke together.
*I started Weight Watchers with a friend from work. So far I've lost 5.6 pounds. Woo. My fridge is filled with little baggies of fruit and vegetable. In my cupboard are pre-portioned servings of granola. FYI a serving of granola is something like half a teaspoon.
*I moved to Brooklyn and all is well. My roommate and I get along and the commute isn't all that bad.

Public Service Announcement

The ultimate determinant in the struggle now going on for the world will not be bombs and rockets but a test of wills and ideas-a trial of spiritual resolve: the values we hold, the beliefs we cherish and the ideals to which we are dedicated.
--Another Reagan Quote


What are your values and beliefs? Don't say "republican" or "democrat", but what are YOUR beliefs, and where did they come from? In less than 20 months you'll have to stand up for your beliefs in the voting booth. Please, for our future - vote for your beliefs, not for your political party. Vote for the best interests of All Americans, not for your own.


P.S. If you are not going to vote, do not tell me unless you are 100% comfortable with our friendship ending. (It doesn't matter which candidate you vote for in my eyes, as long as you put thought into it and can stand behind your decision.)

Read more!

If you haven't read this week's Time Magazine, stop and pick one up. There's an article titled "Where the Right Went Wrong". It looks at the dismal place the Republicans are currently in, and what Reagan would do and say. For his many faults (and he had quite a few), I believe that Reagan was our best president thusfar. Look at what he did for the Republican party alone - they were able to coast on his ideas for over 20 years. And now, when things have gone to hell, they want him back even though he hasn't been in a political office for over 18 years.


Let me stop lecturing. Here are some good quotes from Mr. Reagan himself (and no, I'm not a republican, but I probably would have been one in 1981).

Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.

How do you tell a communist? Well, it's someone who reads Marx and Lenin. And how do you tell an anti-Communist? It's someone who understands Marx and Lenin.

You and I have a rendezvous with destiny. We will preserve for our children this, the last best hope of man on earth, or we will sentence them to take the first step into a thousand years of darkness. If we fail, at least let our children and our children's children say of us we justified our brief moment here. We did all that could be done.

I don't believe in a government that protects us from ourselves.

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'

I know in my heart that man is good.
That what is right will always eventually triumph.
And there's purpose and worth to each and every life.

If you're afraid of the future, then get out of the way, stand aside. The people of this country are ready to move again.

Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.
(For those of you who are illiterate, the first was prostitution.)

My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you I just signed legislation which outlaws Russia forever. The bombing begins in five minutes.
--Said during a radio microphone test, 1984

Shocker!

Your Personality Is Like Marijuana

You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you! Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down. You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Is this my student?

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

-- Woody Allen

Well, duh.

You Are a "Don't Tread On Me" Libertarian

You distrust the government, are fiercely independent, and don't belong in either party. Religion and politics should never mix, in your opinion... and you feel opressed by both. You don't want the government to cramp your self made style. Or anyone else's for that matter. You're proud to say that you're pro-choice on absolutely everything!

What's Your Political Persuasion?

An Ode to Kristin. I mean Perry.

Linstin. Sangria. Ferries. Fairies. Sushi. Central Park. Spongebob. Cameras. Castles. Ireland. Pot. Trevor. Porn. Pigeons. Subways. The Ugly Clothes Store. Wifeswap. The FBI phone-listening-men. Killing people during sex. Europeans. Queer as Folk. The Office. Home Movies. O'Grady. Walter and Perry. Knitting. 1-100. One two three he's yours. The Price is Right. Arts and Crafts. Walter and Perry. Hoops and Yoyo. Sailors. Rudy's. Hotdogs. Beer. Diet Coke. Diet Cheerwine. Times Square. You girls have ridiculously large... purses. Starbucks. Edamame. Lists. Flatiron Building. Magic Missile. The Diner. Museum of Sex Gift Store. Laundromats. Pedicures. Mitch. Coney Island. Little Italy. Delilah. You're ridiculous. No you're not. Pizza. Garlic. More garlic. Museums. Field-trips. Mets Game. Yoo-hoo. Sneeze. Piercings. Ireland. Operation O'Linstin 2008. Phone-TV-dates. Reefer! Linstin.

I'm sorry you died, but I really can't go out in the rain.

No matter how rich you become, how famous or powerful, when you die the size of your funeral will still pretty much depend on the weather.

--Michael Pritchard



Come to my funeral! Kristin will have a powerpoint presentation made, and there will be Diet Coke served. I hope someone also brings a playstation and some jeopardy (or racing!).

Fun Science Facts

** The most dangerous animal in the world is the common housefly. Because of their habits of visiting animal waste, they transmit more diseases than any other animal.

** Armadillos, opossums, sloths, and teachers on vacation spend about 80% of their lives sleeping.

** The hottest planet in the solar system is Venus, with an estimated surface temperature of 864 F (462 C). (I have been telling the children that Mercury is the hottest planet. It's the closet to the sun!)

** October 10 is National Metric Day. Fuck you, inches!

** No matter its size or thickness, no piece of paper can be folded in half more than 7 times. (I simply do not believe this one. Get me a very large tissue.)

** Knowledge is growing so fast that ninety per cent of what we will know in fifty years time, will be discovered in those fifty years. (You just made this up.)

** According to an old English system of time units, a moment is one and a half minutes.

** The planet Saturn has a density lower than water. So, if placed in water it would float. (The best part about telling kids this is how they mentally build a giant pool to put saturn in.)

** The average person falls asleep in seven minutes. (It used to take me about an hour to fall asleep. Now that I teach, it's more like 2 to 3 seconds.)

** It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open. (Try it! Try it!)

** There are more living organisms on the skin of a single human being than there are human beings on the surface of the earth.

White trash!

Daytime tv is very trashy. This week I started with a holier-than-thou attitude and I stayed away (except for The Price is Right, of course). But now, by Friday, I've hit rock bottom. I'm watching Maury.

The show today is "Secrets". The woman currently on tv has been dating this guy for 2 years and is now engaged and carrying his baby. She said she has some secrets to tell him, so he came out and sat next to her. He said he loved her, but she couldn't have any secrets that were that bad. Apparently she had not 1 but 4 secrets:

1. I'm not actually single, I'm married.
2. I already have 4 kids. I visit them when you're away.
3. I'm not pregnant.
4. I can never be pregnant because my tubes are tied.

What in the world did they even talk about when they were dating? People I've known for less than 20 minutes know more about me than he knew about her.

It's a good thing I start school again on Monday. I'm pretty sure my brain would melt if I watched any more daytime tv.

Where is she? Where is she?! (link)

Now that's just embarassing.

Office fans: Is it just me, or does this guy sound like Dwight? He didn't have a phone, he grabbed a sword, and he assumed "rape" before sex or porn...

Thank you, Craig Ferguson. (link)

I have been saying this for years. Not because I think she's "vulnerable", but I really don't care. I think it's mildly funny to watch a crazy public figure self-destruct, but there are more important things in life. Anything. Everything. Absolutely everything I can think of is more important than Spears.


Wait, why are you famous, Craig?

Homorevolution! (link)

It's been a while since a feel-good pro-gay post, so here you go. Looks like I have something to talk to my students about next week!

This is my life. (link)

.... which further confirms that the only people who stay in these programs are the ones who started with little to no idealism at all. Even a normal person will cry a bit for the future of humanity when asked to teach in a public school.

I am not condoning this, but... (link)

Clowns are super-creepy. I hate them. I absolutely think that they are as bad as murderers, rapists, or even Nader-voters. Ugh. Take your face paint off and go get a real job. That is, if you didn't get shot lately.

I am on vacation.

And it is glorious. My plan was to sleep about 18 hours a day, and when I was awake I would either be ordering food or watching The Price is Right and/or Law and Order.

I did this for almost 2 hours this morning, and I am already bored, so I have decided to be productive.

Things I've noticed so far this week:

* The Freshdirect delivery man looks at you in a weird way when you order $30 worth of food... and $90 worth of Diet Coke.
* The contestants on The Price is Right are very good-looking. Or, my standards have dropped to a record low.
* I haven't paid bills for anything in roughly 3 months.
* The Sunday New York Times is very large.
* George Foreman grills are incredibly difficult to clean.

Other news to follow. Maybe.

What is your biggest flaw?

If I had to do a job interview, I'd use this as my one and only interview question. The responses fall into several categories:

1. The overly-scripted response. This person has played the game, knew that you'd ask that question, and has a statement ready. Although this is generally good, if you can tell it's scripted, it defeats the purpose. This person is out.

2. The "I didn't think you'd ask that question, but I'll make up an answer I think you'll like. These are the worst. Usually the responses include "Being overly punctual" or "Caring too much about the quality of my work". Did that line get you hired at McDonalds? Yeah? Then go back there.

3. The "I don't know." Honest, yes, but come back with something, anything.

4. The real response. Most people either don't know this or won't say it.

I think my "real response" would be my tendency to make blogs and not update them.

Saturday Morning

I woke up today, Saturday, around 9. I threw on some clothes and walked the 20 feet to Starbucks. I ordered my usual coffee, donut, and NY Times. When I came back I chatted with some neighbors, then ventured up to my apartment to sit on my patio in the 70-degree weather and read my paper. What an excellent morning.

One of the stories I gravitated to was about the surge in New Orleans murders. There have been 8 already this year (yes, 2007). Most of them were males shot in bad neighborhoods, but one case was particularly scary. A couple in their mid-thirties were both shot by an intruder in their home early Thursday morning. As I read the article, I kept looking at their picture. It's not a wedding picture or a "professional" photo taken at Sears.
As you can see, it's much more private than that. It looks like they were out one night when one of their friends randomly snapped a picture. The couple is not posed, and the guy is even holding his hand up in mock indignation (or in greeting, I'm not really sure which). I'm not sure why the picture affected me so much. I think it's because I could easily have a picture like this on my wall. Or I could easily be in a picture like this. I could be that woman. I could be Helen Hill who was shot to death in her own home, while her husband (who was also shot) watched and held their two-year-old daughter.

It's scary when something like this causes a dent in your sense of security. I like my blanket of invulnerability that I feel day to day. Of course I don't live without danger - but I kind of feel like I do. I don't know if I got this from a worry-free childhood, or from the Midwest, or if it's just an ingrained part of my personality, but I like it. I do know that I, like all of you reading this, will die. I also know that chances are it will be painful and "before my time". But at least I'm happy now. If nothing else I've had 23 damn good years, which is more than many others have.

**This post is depressing, random, and un-edited. It's a stream of consciousness caused by the unseasonably warm weather.

Things I never appreciated until I started working a "real" (aka crappy) job

1. TGIF. Yes, in college, I did mutter the phrase "Thank God it's Friday" several times, but I never fully meant it. Nowadays I would kill a person on Tuesday to make it be Friday. I'm not only thanking god on Friday; I'm reassured that there is a God because of Fridays

2. Honestly I really only had the first one. I thought others would come to me as I was writing, but it just didn't happen.

Reasons my neighbors think I'm weird

* I am currently wearing a winter hat (with ear flaps and strings, and a puffball on top), a college t-shirt, and rolled up sweatpants. (All in different shades of red).

* I get up at 6:30 AM on Saturdays and clean, although that is the ONLY time that I clean.

* I shred lots of things in my shredder. In fact, I shred every chance I get. I am tempted to shred the NY Times.

* I have an odd schedule for someone who works a regular job. It's not uncommon for me to go to bed at 5 (am OR pm) and wake up at 5 (am OR pm).

* I watch weird shows.

* I talk to myself. I often laugh at jokes in the shower. Often they are ones that I previously made. "Hah! I said that yesterday. That was HILARIOUS."

* I get lots of deliveries. Let's leave this one alone.

* I have lots of visitors. Some at odd hours.

* I produce a lot of garbage - most of it is Diet Coke containers.

* They hear me shouting things like "BREW NOW BROWN COW" and "THATS MY HOUSE" - even though I live alone.

* I watch them.

Concrete Plan for The Weekend of Productivity

1. Read all three Scientific American magazines that I received yesterday. Apparently when I subscribed for a year, they thought I meant a year's worth of back issues, all in one day. They were mistaken.

2. Drink coffee. And water. And juice. Basically just drink a lot, but not alcohol. Unless it's in coffee. Or water. Or Juice.

3. Lesson-plan, grade, and all that other teacher blah-blah.

4. Hang out with Shoop Shoop. Although, I haven't actually discussed that with her.

5. Get groceries delivered today. I ordered a lot to be worth the $5 delivery charge, but I think I may have ordered too much. I can always store them on the patio... or in the "fireplace".

6. Watch a ton of TV. Normally this wouldn't be "productive", but as anyone who knows me knows, I do my best work with a low level of distraction.

[As evidenced by this post I am NOT an English teacher.]

More things for Kristin, or Perry, as I like to call her.

* The weekend of productivity has begun! I went to sleep last night at 8. Yes, 8 PM. And (predictibly) I woke up before 7:00 AM. In the first half hour of productivity (It's 7:30 right now), I have made coffee, put in Home Movies, and I threw some stuff away.

* Season 1, Disc 3, episode 1 (on the disc) of Home Movies is my classroom. I actually had some students confuse biography with biology. However, my students are not 7 (as they are on the show); they are 14.

* The plan for today: Clean up my sty of an apartment. It may take forever, but I am prepared.

* Speaking of stys (sties?), one of my students told me she had a sty so she had to go to the doctor the previous day. I replied with "Eww Gross, get away." But it also reminded me of Sex and the City with the pigeon, which made me laugh.

* That's all I've got for now. I must continue with the Weekend of Productivity.

A new update!

I've decided to make a post titled "Things Kristin would be interested to know." It was normally things I would just email her, but I thought, why not include everyone in on the fun?

* Oprah is a downer. However, Ellen is quite uplifting. Moral of the story: gay people are more entertaining. (It's science.)

* I just ordered approximately 3,500 servings of diet coke from fresh direct to be delivered to me tomorrow at 1:00 PM. However, I also just bought a 12-pack to tide me over until then.

* I have decided to be a hermit this weekend, not going out at all. It's very invigorating.

* I have also decided that historians will look back on this weekend as "That weekend that lindsey was productive". But, I will not start until tomorrow.

* Paris Hilton is dumb. I mean, like, really dumb.

* I often perch on the edge of my sofa to lean forward to type on my computer. After 20 minutes my back starts to hurt, and I realize that I own a laptop, and I can indeed place it on my the top of my lap.

* The two diet coke can holders you keep in the freezer are the best purchase I have ever made. I bought them when I was 11 for about 2 bucks each, and I have used them approximately 6 billion times.

* We (Kristin and I) should make a soap opera a part of our weekly show. Also-we shoud really start a show. We can start with an audio podcast, then video podcast, then Thursdays at 8:00 PM preceding The Office on NBC.

* If given the chance, I would definitely have sex with Ellen. But not Oprah. (Can you tell that I'm watching afternoon television while typing this?)

* I like those little cheeses covered in wax. I don't particuly like the cheese, but you can mold the wax into shapes. During a conference, I accidentally smeared a shiny wood table full of sticky wax because I was rolling it into a ball.

* 88 ounces is not 8 ounces, which is the mistake I made that caused my last purchase which is currently in my kitchen. Sigh.

* There is a store in my hometown that has "bag sales", where you can buy a bag of clothes for 5 dollars. It's like good-will. I want to buy all of my clothes there.

* The Britch Parliament on C-Span is by far the best show on televison. Hear hear! Poppycock!

The End. For Now. Dream of me.

Liberalism makes my head hurt

I still mostly consider myself a liberal, mostly. But some of the liberal arguments make me feel like I'm having a conversation with my students. (No, you're not allowed to swear in class. Yes, 'fuck' is a swear word. No, swearing to god is not a swear word. Yes, you'll get in trouble if you swear that you're going to kill someone, but not because you're swearing.)

I know I said this wouldn't be a political blog, but the New York Times is making me re-think that. The issue that's pissing me off:

Wal-Mart.

Wal-Mart stock kind of sucks, especially since it made 312 billion in sales last year alone. 312 billion, people. That's $312,000,000,000. So to raise their stocks they are going to cut down on old workers who make a lot and get health insurance, and move to more part-time younger workers that cost less and have more flexible schedules. Makes sense, right?

Also, the first Wal-Mart in Chicago opened it's doors just a few days ago. More than 15,000 people were vying for the store's 490 jobs. That means that less than 1 in 30 applicants were actually given one of those snazzy blue vests. Common sense would say that Wal-Mart should be able to pay what they need to to get qualified workers. Are they forcing a small group of needy people to earn minimum wage while doing horrific work? Are they evil employers with sweatshop children being paid 5 cents an hour to stock their shelves? No! If 15,000 people want to work at ONE store, they can pay whatever the hell they want to and still get some decent employees (and let's face it, Wal-Mart's standards of a "decent" employee are pretty lenient).

Some complaints in today's NY Times include that workers are forced to work at night sometimes, which interferes with their ability to cook dinner and read to their children. Are you kidding me? You work at Wal-Mart. Just because you have a job doesn't mean you should have complete control in scheduling and wages. You work at Wal-Mart! It's probably open 24 hours! You are not an upper-level manager with a degree in business management. Stop bitching, and if it's so damn bad, quit and find another job. There has already been an ordinance proposed (and vetoed) in Chicago to make Wal-Mart pay their workers $10 an hour by 2010. If all of the 490 employees are upset enough by this to quit, then quit! They'll just go to the remaining 14,510 people who still want to work there.

This is what I've been shoving into my childrens' heads for the last 4 weeks. Without an education, you are guaranteed nothing. You are not guaranteed that you'll be home to read to your kids, or have dinner with your family. You are not guaranteed that if you work 40 hours a week you'll have enough to feed your family and pay all your bills. There is a system, however, that does guarantee you these things regardless of education. It's called communism. And in case you haven't heard, it doesn't work.

Moral of the story: If being employed by Wal-Mart is so horrible, quit. There'll be thousands of people willing to take your place. If you don't like the capitalist system that makes this all possible, move. I hear that Cuba doesn't even have a Wal-Mart, so you'd be good to go on both counts.


Okay, so maybe I'm not a liberal anymore...

Vast Generalities

Women are very different than men. Women say that men are stoic and uncompromising, whereas men say that women are over-emotional and irrational. This has spurred many studies and books and movies, and has generally baffled mankind since the beginning of, well, mankind.

I have the answer.

Men can see the path in front of them, whereas women live in the moment. When a serious relationship ends, men see it as just another step in their life and can move on and get over the relationship much quicker. They spend much less time pondering "what could have been" and simply accept the fact that it didn't work out and it's for the best.

Women, however, can only see that moment of emotional distress. They mourn the relationship as if it were a dead friend. They don't see that there will be another man in their future. They do not remember the faults of the relationship, but they dwell on the good parts - selectively ignoring the glaring reasons the relationship ended.

This is true in day to day male-female interactions as well. When I have an argument with a male, I don't see that it will be better tomorrow. I feel that I am sad and angry RIGHT NOW, and therefore will always be sad and angry. Therefore, when I do have a fight, I want it to end as soon as possible and have the relationship go back to normal immediately. When guys get angry, they need to just be angry for a while, cool down, then everything will be okay. Girls (especially myself) need the comfort of knowing (as soon as possible) that everything is better. They don't see the big picture.

This mindset causes women to act crazy - like it's their last day on earth, or that that man is their soulmate - even if we (deep down) know that he wasn't. Men come across as cold and heartless, even though in actuality they just have the foresight to not emotionally break down when placed in an emotionally explosive situation.

I think this also causes women to give in to things they'd rather not give in to. They think it's better to let him choose the restaurant or the movie or who has to make dinner rather than risk enduring the uneasy argument stage.

I may very well be completely off-base here. Or, I'm not, but I want to avoid any sort of tense altercations.

Fall Lineup Reviews

"The Class" - ABC Mondays 8:00

I give it one thumb up. It has potential, although it seems to force the humor sometimes.


"The Office" - NBC Thursdays 8:30

Best show ever, or at least on network television.


That's all I've watched so far, and I'm only speculating on The Office.

I probably should have watched more than one show before I wrote this...

Free Granola Bar! (link)

Am I the only one who doesn't care whether or not he eats the box, but I just want my free granola bar?

It ain't just apples and chalkdust anymore, folks.

Since i became a NYC public school teacher:

1. I am more exhausted than I have ever been in my life.

2. I have much more respect for all public school teachers, especially my mother.

3. I have strained my vocal chords to their very limits.

4. I get up every day at 5:30.

5. I rarely get more than 5 hours of sleep a night.

6. I have used "word" to mean the affirmative.

7. I have been told on several occasions that "I be beastin'."

8. I realize that talking about standards and soft bigotry and institutional failure does nothing. At the end of the day, most of my kids still cannot do what most white kids can do by 3rd grade.

9. I have become a proponent for trade school instead of the "Unless you're going to college, this is pretty useless to you" approach.

10. I hate the system. I hate the system that puts a girl in my class who cannot speak English but is not considered ESL because her first language is not Spanish, it's French. I hate the system that thinks that the solution to bad teaching is forcing students to take huge tests, then retake the class if they fail. I hate the system that will fire me if I do not put an "aim" on the board each day but lets hundreds of kids slip through the cracks.

11. When I come home at night, I want to cry. Often I do. It's not for any particular reason or for any reason at all.

12. I cannot watch TV dramas anymore. Law and Order isn't as cool when the 16-year-old that was shot on TV could be the same kid in my class.

13. I chastise kids in public. "Why are you hanging out on this street corner? Shouldn't you be on your way home, or doing schoolwork?"

14. I get angrier at young kids who misbehave in public. If I can quiet a class of 34 rowdy 14-year-olds in an 85 degree room to learn the scientific method, you should be able to quiet one 5-year-old that came out of your own body.

15. I hate copiers, and printers, and most technology.

16. My lunch is a diet coke. Maybe also a breakfast bar, but usually just the diet coke.

17. I hate the fact that my kids have to get to class 30 minutes earlier than kids at other schools, just to get through security.

18. I have very little respect for the program I'm in. It's like we spent 9 weeks learning about the physics of the backstroke, then were dumped into the ocean and told to swim 2 miles to shore.

Will I make it through the end of my program (2-3 years)? Maybe.

Will I make it to the end of this year? Maybe.

Will I make it to the end of this week? Maybe.

All I know is that I didn't quit today, and I'm planning on going in tomorrow.

Now I'm going to go cry for no reason. No reason at all.

How could I have forgotten Harold and Kumar??!!

The best movie EVER.

Movies Everyone Should See

The Exorcist
Friday the 13th
Breakfast at Tiffany's
Casablanca
The Matchmaker
Under the Tuscan Sun
So I Married an Axe Murderer
The Muppet Christmas Carol
When Harry Met Sally
Ghostbusters
Rosemary's Baby
Final Destination 1 (and maybe 2)
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
The Birds
The Laramie Project
Jaws
Philadelphia
Psycho
Real Women Have Curves
Tommy Boy
Black Sheep
E.T.
Love Actually
Say Anything
My Girl
My Girl 2
Silence of the Lambs
Hedwig and the Angry Inch
Sixteen Candles
Thank You for Smoking
Now and Then
Poltergeist
The Way We Were
And the Band Played On
The Breakfast Club
Calendar Girls
Dead Poet's Society
Father of the Bride
Father of the Bride II
Ferris Bueller's Day Off

Add yours in comments...

Call me Miss Orayduh

Tomorrow I start teaching. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little freaked out. I'll have 5 classes with about 200 kids total. Yikes.

Well, wish me luck.

Ode to Coffee

Coffee
Black or with cream and equal,
Italian, from Starbucks, brewed on extra-strong,
I love you.

Coffee.

Coffee
You are made in my beautiful red coffee-maker,
Black and hot, you come out,
Giving me caffeine.

Coffee.

Coffee
You have made me short and given me coffee breath,
But I don't care.

Coffee.

When am I grown up?

When I was in kindergarten, my definition of "grown up" was being in sixth grade. Then when I got to sixth grade, I thought that high-schoolers were grown up. Of course in high school, the college kids were the true adults in my mind. This leads me to the question...

When are we truly adults?

People my age are getting married, having kids, getting "real" jobs, buying houses... but is that what makes you an adult? By most standards, I probably am all grown up, but let's look at the evidence.

FOR being an adult:

* I have my own apartment, in NYC no less.
* I have credit cards, my own bank account, and I actually OWN furniture.
* I have a job that comes with a significant amount of reaponsibility and also gives me a health insurance.
* I do "adult" things like go to bars, have dinner parties, watch the news.
* I pay the adult fare for things like movies and museums.
* When I meet people they ask me if I'm married, or have kids.
* I can kill spiders by myself.



AGAINST being an adult:

* I have the sense of humor of a pubescent boy.
* I still get most of my clothes from stores like American Eagle, or the Gap.
* I cannot walk in high heels. Or medium heels. Sometimes I have problems walking in general.
* I don't make grocery lists. When I go to the grocery store I shop like a 6-year-old left alone. This means that I end up buying boxes of cereal for the toys and ice cream and things that are shiny and new and no nutritional value.
* I don't cook. I make things like scrambled eggs and spaghetti, but I rarely make things that require more than 3 steps.
* I get drunk. Not a lot, but I partake in what others might call "binge-drinking" on occasion.
* I do things I regret. A lot. For example, I might get into a beer fight that ends on the floor of a bar with a tall man on top of me.
* I sleep in. Sometimes past noon.
* I find little things amusing. I can stare at a frolicking squirrel for hours.
* I make lewd jokes and comments. "That's what she said" and "Your Mom" are a normal part of my vocabulary.
* The thought of getting married and/or having kids petrifies me.
* I do not plan my life more than 6 months in advance. I absolutely do not understand people who know what they'll be doing in 10 years.
* I love kidstuff, like board games and toy stores and bubbles.

So, what's the verdict? Am I an adult?

Embarrassment

I do not get embarrassed easily. When I read the Cosmo's Embarassing Stories, I laugh, usually because not only are the stories not actually embarrassing, but things like that happen to me on a daily basis. People who embarass easily obviously don't have much fun in life, because they are unable to let themselves go publically.

On a related note, I just got into a beer fight at my favorite NYC bar with my friend Dan. It started with me innocently pouring beer into his glass (it was empty), and ended with us both covered in beer (I had beer in my shirt, he had beer all over his crotch... also I think he peed himself, but that's another story altogether), on the floor of Rudy's (#1 dive bar in NYC), with him on top of me, my shoe off, and both of us sticky.

Now I must handwash my clothes and shower. Thank you, Dan, for a wonderful evening.

Are YOU likely to be a serial killer? (link)

Even if I had all of the qualities of a potential serial killer (which I really don't), I think my lack of follow-through would prevent me from ever actually... well, following through.

My favorite quote is: "So in addition to the fact that I'm a stand-up guy who would never do anything to harm her, and that she's the love of my life and I would be a miserable empty shell of a man without her, Andrea should also rest easy knowing that I'd never kill her because there is no way I could survive without her half of the rent."

Vague, yet dramatic, much like myself

My horoscope for today:

The same old attitudes about life aren't cutting it anymore -- seek contrary ideas.

They made a movie about me.

It's called "The Ron Clark Story."


It stars Chandler Bing.

The End.

RIP, Mitch Hedberg, RIP. (link)

Most definitely one of the funniest comedians ever.

If you haven't actually heard him, I suggest you download either audio or video of one of his performances, so that when you read all of his jokes, you can hear them how he would say them.

I was going to list some of my favorites, but there are too many. Just read the website.

This was an email, but it's too good of a story not to share.

I most definitely got WASTED at our 30 minute "wine and cheese reception" and then spent the next 2 hours in and out of the bathroom throwing up at City College when I was supposed to be watching a movie about special ed. Then I came home and passed out when everyone else went out to celebrate our class being over... I just woke up.

They had this horrible boxed wine, and they ran out so most people just got a glass or two (if that). So people kept coming to our table to ask us if they could have some of ours. I was like the wine nazi.

Girl: "Can I have two glasses of your wine? It's for me and my friend."
Lindsey: "Well, you can have ONE glass. Which glass would you like me to fill?"
Girl: "Um... this one?"
Lindsey: "Fine."

We had about 4 carafes to ourselves because I hijacked some under a sweater, then a classmate and I sweettalked a guy in the kitchen into giving us two more. I had only had a bag of famous amos chocolate chip cookies and a can of diet coke to eat for the entire day. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Eric: What are we doing this afternoon?
Lindsey: We're watching a movie about retarded kids.
Tiffany (girl from my class who appears quite innocent): We're watching a movie about what it's like to be special ed in the classroom.
Lindsey: Yeah. What did I say?

The best part of the evening (and by evening I mean time span from 3:30 to 4:00 pm) was probably when I did an imitation of Judith (the crazy teacher we got to quit/got fired) and what she would be like if she was having sex with Eric. (all done very loudly and with a Bronx accent)

NO! THAT'S NOT THE CLITORIS! DAMNIT I'M FROM THE BRONX, BITCH.

JUST RUB IT! RUB IT HARDER! FUCK YOU! THAT'S NOT RIGHT, WHAT, ARE YOU DUMB? ARE YOU RETARDED?

JUST GET OUT OF MY WAY. LET ME DO IT MYSELF. JUST GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND MASTURBATE. JESUS.

I shouted this all during this very innocent reception. It was such a bad idea to give us wine. Bad idea. I think I'm going to lie to everyone and just say I was wandering around looking at things. When I got back to class I had 7 missed calls from people asking where I was.

Another good one:

Lindsey: How much wine do you think there is?
Millie (Girl who is hilarious because she is only 20 and spent a year in nun-school before deciding that she didn't want to be a nun. She has my sense of maturity and evilness. When people ask why she quit nun-school she says "Because I needed the cock.") Well I think there will be a lot, because they get enough for everyone... and some people don't drink.
Lindsey: Yeah, those people are dumb.
Millie: Sometimes religious people don't drink.
Lindsey: What?! Why not? It's the blood of Christ for God's sake.
Several people glare at us while Millie (ex-future-Nun) doubles over in laughter.


And I just realized I have NOTHING to wear tomorrow. I was going to do laundry today... but getting drunk at 3:30 isn't really conducive to that. Looks like it's "poufy skirt and sweatshirt" day... again...


Haha, my horoscope: How can you have a life if you spend all your time worrying about what might happen? Courage is just fear that has a sense of faith. Acknowledge all your worries and then resolve to move forward anyway. "I'm going to get really drunk because I haven't eaten anything today..." It freaks me out when horoscopes are so damn correct.

Okay... I just took half a tylenol pm so I'm off to bed. I hope that you had a fun night as well. I'm sure I'll talk to you tomorrow, assuming I don't spend the whole day in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.

Explore Space, Not Drugs (link)

Seriously... this was on my list of "Cool Earth Science Links".

Mmhmm

"Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own shortcomings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey

Saucy

I really like Mary Louise Parker. She's strong, funny, intelligent - why can't more women get it together?

I Miss Jenks

"Look at you, you hot bitch.
Fucking sexy New York slutty bitch.
I love it.
NYC looks good on you.
Just like sparkles."

Sometimes Reagan was right.

"The government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it."

Where was this from?

"I've always believed that you couldn't get pregnant if you didn't really know the person. That's wrong, isn't it?"

The Way We Were

"I'll take two hamburgers, two cheeseburgers, and four cokes.

Onion?

Yeah... in the cokes."

I miss CFACT

"No no no, I have 5 words for you. Triumph the insult comic dog. Wait, 6 words. No, no, 5 words... yeah, five words."

Saved By the Bell

Jessie: Slater, haven't you heard of the Women's Movement?

Slater: Sure...Put on something cute and MOVE it into the kitchen.

Casablanca

"Well Mademoiselle, Rick is the kind of man that, if I were a woman, and if I weren't around, I should be in love with Rick."

Both True

"I have a theory that every now and then a person should get what they want, when they want it. It keeps you optimistic."
--Six Feet Under

"When the Gods want to punish us, they answer our prayers."
--The West Wing

The Office

Michael: My charity will be "Afghanistanis with AIDS"

Jim: Nope, I think you mean "The Aid to Afghanistan."

Michael: No, I mean "Afghanistanis with AIDS"

Phyllis: Afghani.

Michael: No, that's a dog.

Pam: That's Afghan.

Michael: No that's a shawl.

Dwight: Dogs with AIDS?

Michael: No, people with AIDS!

Creed: Who has AIDS?

Jim: Guys, ... the Afghanistanannis.

Checkmate? (link)

It bothers me that I do not know how to play chess. I've decided to learn today. I found this website, and I'm working my way through it slowly.

This may be slightly related to the fact that I have lots to do and am putting it off. Well, you know what they say... "Life is what happens when you're making other plans."

Is that relevant here? Whatever.

Classic

"I will not be judged by you or society. I will wear whatever and blow whomever I want as long as I can breathe and kneel."

--Sex and the City

True?

"The future is just a fucking concept that we use to avoid being alive today."

--Six Feet Under

Ahh, Romeo

Guy: "You remind me of my friend. She's kind of sarcastic and really witty."

Lindsey: "Oh, thanks."

Guy: "And she's kind of a slut."

Music From Another Room

"Oh to hell with you, my fine fool death.

I will not go weakly like an obedient child or a quivering bride, no.

He'll have to mount me like an intractable whore. And drag me kicking and screaming, the miserable son of a bitch!"


I am going to memorize these words, and they shall be the last ones I say. Then, when you speak of me you can say that "she was witty yet unoriginal, may she rest in peace."

Make This

Cranberry Slush

12 oz can frozen lemonade
12 oz can frozen limeade
1 1/2 quarts cranberry juice
2 cup h2o
2 cup vodka

Mix, Freeze, Serve with 7up.

I like to increase the vodka and decrease the water, but that's just me.

Write it down, kids.

Jack and Jill went up a hill
To snort a little coke
Jack felt horny, so did Jill
But unfortunately Jack can't
maintain an erection
no mater how turned on he is.

There's no fairytale ending with cocaine.


--I didn't write this, but I forgot where I found it.

Doogtunes

"Ninjas watching The Matrix is like watching a retarded bear in the circus. It's painful and it's annoying, but it's just frustrating, because you wish there was something you could do. You don't really want to watch it, nobody really wants to see that. You know, they're on their little bike, and you're just like, take them away from all of this. You know, I put in an order form to kill everybody associated with The Matrix. Hopefully that'll come down the pike someday soon."

So True

Where are her values? Her principles?!

You know how it is when you want cock, they're the first things to go.

--Sex and the City

Weeds

"What to do if you meet a mountain lion:

Give the mountain lion some room.
Don't make eye contact.
Talk to the lion softly."

Are you sure this isn't what to do if you date a mountain lion?

Dr. Katz

"Women think they know, which always astonishes me. Women will always say "We look at guys sexually too." Women have no idea. They have no clue whatsoever. It's like the difference between shooting a bullet and throwing it. If women had any idea, if even for a second, of how we really looked at them, they would never stop slapping us."

Cincinnati? (link)

Kind of makes me want to move there... shockingly...

Cute

According to my mom, my relatives were discussing whether or not I'd make it in New York (thanks guys).

They decided that yes, I would make it... probably. This is their evidence:

1. When I was 4, I was visiting my aunt and uncle. Another 4-year-old girl was with us and we were in the back seat. Out of the blue, I turned to her and asked her who she was voting for in the "upcoming presidential election." She had absolutely no idea what I was talking about, but I continued. "I've thought long and hard about it, and I think I'm going to vote for George Bush. It's the best decision, and I think you should vote for him too." According to my uncle, the girl just dropped her jaw and looked at me.

2. When I was 5, my entire extended family was at a very fancy restaurant having dinner. When the waitress came by and asked me what I would like to drink (she thought it was so cute that I could order for myself), I responded with "You know, I think I'll have a beer." She was thoroughly disturbed.

Notice that neither of these have anything to do with teaching, but somehow they demonstrate that I will succeed. Since the outcome is favorable, I'll take it.

Religion

Religion is a tricky subject. My class was talking about how to address the "intelligent design" issue during our unit on evolution. I couldn't even participate in the discussion because I was so confused. How to address it? How do we address the tooth fairy and her role in the ecosystem? Where do we place unicorns on the evolutionary spectrum? We don't! It's make-believe! We teach science, which is real. Bah.

However, if I did have a relgion, it would be based on The Price is Right.

Lessons:
1. Even if you're lucky enough to make it on stage, you could still walk away with nothing.

2. Chance is crucial, but you increase your chances by wearing a homemade t-shirt with a message about Bob [God] on it.

3. Life is precious, but too much life is bad. Have your pets spayed or neutered.

4. Even if you try to beat the system by studying prices, you'll probably just get "Plinko" anyways, so don't even try to figure it all out.

5. If you bid $700, the bitch next to you will inevitably bid $701 and win.

6. Old people and college students know it all. The rest of us are out working when we should be having fun.

7. Sometimes the right person gets what they deserve. The cutest old woman won over $45,000 in prizes today - including 2 cars.

8. You can listen to your friends and family. But remember -- in the end, you're all alone on that stage.

Oh, how accurate.

Emily wrote a poem about me in class the other day:

Loves to Drink
Icky (I had a hard time with this)
Not paying attention
Dead in my drawing
Subway(tm) lover (the sandwich place)
East side resident
Younger than me, so hah!

FAQs

1. How'd that poster-thing go?

My teaching observation went really well. The kids were rowdy, and my advisor told me to be a bit gentler with them (apparently my teaching style is a bit nazi-esque). They liked the posters.


2. Damn, aren't you a teacher yet?!

I only have two more weeks of training. I am supposed to be in some sort of seminar today, but... I decided I need a day off.


3. When are you coming back to Wisconsin?

I will be in Wisconsin from August 5-9, assuming my ticket isn't screwed up by the stupidest woman in the world (who works for United Airlines, fyi). It'll be a bit of a time-crunch, but if you want to hang out, let me know.


4. Are you still single?

Yes, although I may be dating this guy. Either I'm not, and we're just hanging out, or we're coming up on our 1-month anniversary. It's a toss-up, really.


5. So you're not a lesbian?

No.


6. What about that gay prom? And didn't you come out in high school?

We've been over this already!! If I was gay, I'd be gay, but I'm not. But I still think everyone is born bisexual.


7. When is Kristin visiting again?

August 15th. For a week.


8. You don't seem very excited about her coming. Is that because you hate her?

Yes. Wait. No. It's because the teaching fellows have sucked all excitement out of me. I'm actually very excited for her to come. I started making a list of things for us to do, but it's much more realistic than the last list.

-- Taco Taco, a great Mexican restaurant 10 feet from me with hot Mexican waiters
-- Pinocchio's, a great Italian restaurant 15 feet from me with [hopefully] hot Italian waiters
-- MOMA - probably won't happen, but it could be entertaining
-- Lots of Trevor-watching and general hanging out on my patio/roof
-- Drinking. Much drinking.


9. Do you have mice in your apartment?

Yes.


10. Are we still friends?

No. Unless you email me, then yes.

Posters for Class

Camping

Well it's the 4th of July weekend, and I'm camping!

Oh wait, I'm not camping. I just don't have hot water. Or food. Or air-conditioning.


I'm going to sit on my patio and pretend that there's a lake. And then I'll pretend to go swimming and maybe make some microwave smores.

Can I use your shower?

Sidenote

I love Janeane Garofalo.

Beaver (link)

I can't believe I actually go to this school...

Now and Then

I love the movie "Now and Then." I used to watch it all the time in middle school. It was very similar to my life - biking everywhere, desperately trying to earn money, seances, etc.

For those of you who haven't seen it, it's mostly about 4 middle-school-age girls and their crazy summer, but part of the movie is the 4 girls as adults. They made a pact to come back together whenever of them needed the others, and now one of them is about to have a baby so they all come back home to support her.

I watched it the other day, and I was incredibly freaked out. For the first time ever I was much more similar to the adults than to the kids. They have careers and worries and have moved far from home, like me.

Even though I've seen the movie about 400 times, it never once occurred to me that I would one day be an adult like them. I thought I'd always be riding my bike around and chasing boys down my street.


Also it's kind of disturbing to think that I paused the movie repeatedly to see Devon Sawa's penis. He's about 14 in this movie.

So Happy

I'm in a state of bliss right now.

Reasons:

I have 5 days off. 5 DAYS!!! Today, tomorrow, Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday. 5 DAYS!!!!!

I just got some coffee from starbucks. Mmm.

I'm on my patio with my coffee. It's pretty out.

I got my teacher fired yesterday. Okay that's a bit of a stretch, but I (and Emily) complained about her, and then she stomped off and shouted "You're all a bunch of hypocrites!" I broke the stunned silence by bursting out laughing.

After our teacher left we had 3 hours to kill, so we all went to Dallas BBQ in Harlem. I had TWO Texas Size Margaritas, one strawberry and one mango - both with an extra shot of tequila in them. Yesterday is kind of a blur, including my fellow advisory session, which was post-drinking.

I had a great convo with Mark, one of my fellow teachers. It involved shouting, political banter, and him showing me that he was not wearing any underwear. I like Mark.

I'm talking to Jane on AIM right now. Jane is one of those fabulously cool people that you're so glad you're friends with, but it's sad because you don't get to talk to them as much as you'd like. However - she is moving to Connecticut and is coming to visit me in NYC in August. Yay!!

On my way home last night it started pouring the second I got off the bus. I couldn't really run since I was wearing flip flops, and after about a block I couldn't really walk either (slippery rubber flip flops). I ended up just taking my shoes off and walking slowly home with a huge smile on my face (I was still quite drunk, despite having stopped drinking a good 3 hours earlier).

I was watching Dawson's Creek this morning. That crazy Dawson and Joey! It was a great flashback.

The Price is Right is on in an hour. I hope nobody wins my golf-cart-like scooter.

I'm going out tonight with cool people to a cool bar to watch the Mets slaughter the Yankees. Excited.

I still have a good 80 cans of diet coke, and am ordering more tomorrow.

Now I'm going to talk to Jane some more, read my NY Times, and drink my coffee. All on my terrace. FYI, it is the perfect temperature with the perfect amount of breeze. Mmm.

When did I get so happy-fuzzy?

Gay Pride

I was going to go to the Pride Parade today, but unfortunately I just have too much to do. On one hand, it's sad that I have to miss one of the best pride parades when it is less than a mile away from me, but on the other hand, let's all pause and marvel at how mature I've become.

I Miss TV

I have a few channels now that I actually have a TV, but I miss OnDemand, and CNN, and BBCTV.

Maybe I'll just suck it up and get real cable.

Underused Words

Tawdry: Showy, but cheap, and of poor quality.

Example: Shauna's boob job was tawdry, so she got pregnant and lives in a trailer.

Darwin

Darwin (and the theory of evolution) states that man and ape evolved from the same ancestor. NOT that man evolved FROM apes.

Seriously.

But I love Extreme Makeover Home Edition

I don't have air-conditioning. It's hot. The city seems to stay about 10 degrees hotter than surrounding suburbs. So, I ordered an air-conditioner from Sears.com - paid for installation, the 3-year in-home service fee, etc.

On Thursday, I come home to find this giant air-conditioner box sitting in the "lobby" of my building. I live one floor up. I, of course being ridiculously strong, push the AC up the stairs. It took about 20 minutes and was especially hot that day, so I was irate. I called Sears to complain, and they finally transferred me to UPS who told me that the delivery-man did not take it up the stairs because it was too heavy.

Next was calling the installation guys, who were supposed to have already called me. The guy that I talked to said that he had personally emailed me that morning because there was a problem with my order, and that installation was going to be about 100 bucks more than what I had already paid, and is that okay with me? First- no he had not emailed me, and when he forwarded me the email to prove that he had, all he did was type the letters "FW" in the subject line. Second-Here I am with the AC already in my apartment, so I don't really have a choice. I agree, but even though the guy I talked to worked for "Sears Installation", they only find installers rather than do it themselves.

So I talk to the installers. They don't have any open appointments for well over a week - even longer because I can only take Saturday appointments. I plead with the woman to find me something. A few hours later she called back and said that she had a cancellation for Saturday, today, from 9:00a - 12:00p. I cringed at the thought of 9:00 am on a Saturday morning, but I thanked my good luck and took the appointment, hoping that they wouldn't show up before 11:00.

At 9:06 my buzzer rings. The installation guy was nice, but told me that there was absolutely nothing he could do, because it's a sleeve AC, and his form said window AC.

I'm returning it on Monday.

I hate you, Sears.

I love FreshDirect.com

Obvious

I believe flag burning should be legal. It seems ridiculously obvious to me.

The flag represents everything that is great about our country, including the right to free speech and expression (i.e. flag burning).

If you make lighting a US flag on fire illegal, that does more to desecrate the sacred significance of everything the flag stands for than burning a piece of fabric ever could.

Fuhgeddaboutit (link)

Most polite? Damn right.

Disagree? I'll cut you!

Have you heard of this?

PSAS. Persistent Sexual Arousal Syndrome.

These women can have up to 300 orgasms a day. Apparently it's horrible.

But on my list of disorders to have... it probably wouldn't be at the bottom.

And so it begins...

My schedule for the next seven weeks:

6 AM - Wake up
7:30 AM - Take bus to school (an hour)
8:45 AM - Get to class
9:00 AM - 4:00 PM Diversity in the Classroom
4:00 PM - 6:00 PM My Student Achievement Framework Group
6:00 PM - 7:00 PM Bus ride home
7:00 PM - About 2 hours of homework, readings, etc., dinner, and bed

And now...

Supernanny is on!!!

I'm so excited!

Oh how I've missed you, my little minx.

Wow

Seventh Heaven is still on the air? And Ruthie is a whore!!

Gosh, I don't have tv for 5 weeks and I miss so much...

I like Sex and the City before it was cool...

"Carrie: Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Heaven is two words:

"Frozen grapes... on a 96 degree June day in New York City."

Okay two words, and 10 other words.

A Cloud of Cynicism

I'm tired of people not following through, not returning phone calls, not doing what they say they're going to do.

I'm sick of being disappointed by people.

I just wish that, for once, everyone wouldn't be such a stereotype of who they are.

Save Screech! (link)

This is capitalism at it's best! (or worst, either way I love it).

I bought one, and yes I sprung for the autographed version.

Six Feet Under

... is a great show.

I will keep track of fun quotes.

* Whoa, you are NOT on the list of people who get to touch my tits.

That's all I've got for now, but I'll add more later. Maybe.

NPH wouldn't do that.

Happy Birthday, Neil Patrick Harris. Have a fur burger to celebrate.

Fate through drunken decisions?

Let's say you get someone's name tattoed on yourself. Then, for whatever reason, it ends. If you happen to find someone else with that name, how freaked out will they be when they see it?

Also, you should pretty much get married to that person, if only to avoid painful tattoo removal surgery.

Too PIcky?

These are things I've actually said out loud while looking at personals ads:

1. 5'11" is too tall
2. 5'9" is to short
3. His muscles are scary
4. Too good to be true
5. Spells words like your and you're wrong
6. Too "available"

Apparently my type is "worst-possible-choice", and it usually comes back to haunt me.

Random Blogs

I need to get back into writing random blog entries. Mostly so Kristin has something to read while she waits for me to call her back at 3 a.m., when in actuality I'm already fast asleep.

So, in that spirit, here are some random things I noticed:

1. When I'm waiting for the bus, I walk around everyone else waiting. They stand perfectly still, while I weave in and out. From above it must look like I am in an ant-farm. I think it's the ADD.

2. I have been yelled at every day by my "professor." Usually it's to pay attention, but he also told me to "see him after class" because I had my cell phone out. I'm sorry that I'm bored by your remedial class. Maybe if you made it more interesting (or harder than a special-ed third grade class), I'd pay attention. Bite me.

3. I'm bored now. More later.

Starbucks Cup

I've gotten into the habit of stopping for coffee on my way to class every morning, and yesterday I just happened to read the quote on the side of the cup.

The Way I See It #119
As you sip your coffee, think about al the science behind it: in agriculture, processing, roasting, extraction. Then think of all the science around you: in your cell phone, your computer, even your food. Shouldn't everyone be educated to understand the science that permeates their lives?

It may be a bit of a stretch, but it was a good cup to get on the day of my first midterm to become a science teacher. It made me smile.

The Lindsey-NYC tour

1. Central Park. Hot dog. Diet Coke. Spongebob ice cream. Best NYC dinner.
2. Sangria at a sidewalk cafe. Several pitchers, amaze people sitting next to us.
3. Make out with Jess. Preferably in public. Preferably at Bourbon St. Bar.
4. Watch Lindsey's neighbors walk around naked, have sex, and sit on their toilet for 2 hours. Possibly shout at them.
5. Lots of Diet Coke.
6. Get into a fight with a random person on the subway.
7. 3-decker diner. Aegean omellete.
8. Staten Island Ferry. Preferably at 2 am. Preferably following sailors.
9. Rudy's Bar, outdoor patio, cigarettes, beer.
10. Have someone sneeze on you. Preferably Lindsey.

Congrats Megan!

You get your masters the same week I start mine.  Sad for me, but yay for you.

Now get on a plane to come celebrate in NYC.



"My boobs look really big in this top..."

Restaurant Leftovers

Does anyone ever actually eat restaurant leftovers?  I always take them because of the whole "children are starving in Australia" thing, but even if I remember to take it home from the restaurant and actually heat it up, it's usually inedible.  

I think restaurants do this on purpose.  I'm not sure how, or why, but I blame the Irish.  And the gays.  Especially the gay Irish.  

Nick and Haig

If you have iTunes, subscribe to the "Nick and Haig" podcast. It's hilarious. You can also find it at www.doogtunes.com.

My personal favorite is "The Chihuahua."

Is this for real? (link)

"In summary, we can say that the Scripture supports and even encourages the act of oral sex between loving heterosexual partners. Moreover, the Bible specifically encourages fellatio to completion (orgasm) with the female partner consuming or swallowing the ejaculate. This prevents spilling seed, which is an affront to the Lord, and also provides spiritual benefit to the receiving partner. Oral sex has the added benefits of preventing unwanted pregnancies and helping couples satisfy their sexual urges while preserving their chastity until marriage. For these reasons, all Christian men and women should feel confident and comfortable including oral sex as part of their sexual life in accordance with God’s will."