Impending Doom

Ever feel like something bad, yet undefined, is about to happen?

I assume it's a similar feeling to that of Anne Frank when she thought she heard the doorbell downstairs.


I'm going to get crap for this one, aren't I?

Review Question

Where is the pituitary gland located?

Answer: In the head.

Awake at 7:00 AM!

In an attempt to prepare for my test in a way that doesn't involve studying, I've started waking up early. Today I got up at 7:00 AM. Some of the more observant of you will say, no, you posted this at 8:00 AM. Well, it has taken me an hour to figure out what my name is and what that infernal beeping was.

However, I now have coffee and a toaster streudel and am watching Saved By the Bell. Zack had a crazy plan, but it backfired! Oh they are so original. I think it's time for another made-for-TV reunion movie.

Also, when is a cell phone company going to jump on my Zack Morris phone idea? It would be cheap to make, easy to sell, and incredibly fashionable. I want one in purple, with rhinestones.

Failure is Okay.

Last night, in order to procrastinate more, I went out for "a drink." Long story short, ended up going to sleep at 10 a.m. this morning. I just woke up and am watching The Ellen Degeneres Show that I recorded.

Best line of the night, other than the meat metaphor: "So, this guy in the bathroom asked me to snort some blow off of a key, and of course I did..."

Procratination

It is AMAZING the lengths I will go to to procrastinate.

I'm now watching a baseball game instead of studying.

I'm going to fail this test and be jobless forever. Forever!!

But ooh, the mets are winning.

It's time for a new

AIM screen name. I need ideas, because the last one was kind of a bust.

It must be:
* Funny
* Memorable
* Able to stand the test of time (aka, not "LindsinNYC")

Possible ideas:
* Smurfette
* Diet Coke
* Mike (my original name)
* Bootsrap Whore (Thanks Pete)

Maybe something to do with:
* Diet Coke
* Friday the 13th
* Queer as Folk
* Law and Order

Help!!

Blogging Sabbatical

I may not be posting for a while because my certification test is on Saturday.

Or, I will be posting a lot because I'll be procrastinating studying.

The latter is much more likely. Hence, this post at 3:13 AM.

What ever hapened to mystery?

Jess is nosy.

I Miss FAC

It makes me sad that "drink specials" in NYC are $10 pitchers of Bud Light.

It's 4:10 PM here, and it's Friday, and I should be drinking. :(

Yo-J

Does anyone remember Yo-J?  It was like juice, but also like yogurt.  I remember liking it.  

I notice that I remember liking a lot of things from my childhood, but once I experience them again, my illusion is shattered.  

Examples:
* Clarissa Explains It All
* Barbies
* Grape soda
* Glow-worm
* My Little Ponies

There are also things that are just as good as I remember them, if not better.

* PeeWee's Playhouse
* Fraggle Rock
* Those long thin popsicles that you get in boxes of 8 million that come in flavors of purple, red, and heaven
* McDonald's birthday cake (I haven't actually had this in the last decade or so, but those sugar decorations will always be fabulous)
* Late-night soft-core porn
* Muppets

Feel my muscle. No, feel it.

I joined a gym on Wednesday, for several reasons.

* They are ingenious marketers.  I went to their website (Crunch) and entered to win a free membership.  However, I did not ask to get info on joining.  The next day I get a phone call "Congratulations you have won a free membership!"  It turns out I need to go to the gym to scratch off a card to see how long my free membership is.  This got me thinking, so I went back to their website, and lo and behold (who says lo and behold?!  apparently me.) everyone wins a free membership.  Most of them are for a week, but they can go up to a year.  So, I walk into the gym to "claim my prize" knowing that it is a ruse.  Remember that.

As I'm filling out the requisite mother's-maiden-name, favorite-childhood-toy, best-sexual-position-in-a-bathroom form, Colin approaches me.  He is very chatty, almost forcibly so.  He takes me back to his desk where he tries to get me excited about winning the contest.  I say to Colin, "Colin, I'm on to you.  I know it's a ruse.  I'm smarter than you think I am, so stop talking down to me and get me a Diet Coke," or something similar.  He laughs and says that I should just scratch off my damn card.  I do, and win a free week (which is actually losing, in this ruse-of-a-game).  He decides that this means he should give me a tour.  I agree, but only for reason 2 listed below.

The gym was good. It had gym-type machines, and fit-type people which is pretty much all I expect in a gym. Also it had that wonderful gym smell. It's a clever mix of sweat, cleaning supplies, energy, and hatred. I'd buy it in a glade candle. They also have a boxing ring. If I had a nickel for every time I've felt the need for a boxing ring... um...

So, we end the tour, and we sit down to talk prices. Keep in mind, I still feel smart because I have figured them out. To make a long story short, I have now committed to a one-year membership and 20 personal training sessions. This was, in Pete's words: "an orgy of bad judgment." But like Colin and Rob and every one of their cult-like sales people said, this is an investment in Me. Whatever, I fell for their marketing. I even fell beyond their marketing.

Colin: "You should get 10 personal training sessions."
Rob: "Or 15."
Lindsey: "Okay, I'll get 20. Can I get a t-shirt too?"

My personal trainer's name is Richard. His chest is quite wide and he is very tall. When he found out he was my trainer he looked me up and down and got an evil smile on his face, like he was envisioning the pain he was going to put me through. I believe that he is a sadist.

Now what was I talking about? Oh yeah, reasons my gym rocks.

* Chris Meloni goes to my gym. He does. My roommate saw him there. This may be the motivation I need to work out.

* http://www.crunch.com/downloads/index.asp Check out the commercials on the bottom. (Sidenote-how do I do the hyperlink thing?)

* The walls are crazy colors, like purple and red. It's like the 80's, but with more sweat. (I know, how could there be more sweat than the 80's?! There just is, my friend. There just is.)

* I am signed up for a full year, so I need to feel that it's awesome to justify my money-spending. Yay for self-delusion.

I still think...

that Joey should've ended up with Dawson.  

I know it's been years, and it was only a TV show, but come on.  

Dear CMB,

I like that you read my blog. I like that anyone reads my blog. It's just that I'm so shocked when my friends actually read it, I find it difficult to believe that someone who doesn't know me finds me amusing.

Please, read on, and respond often. I dedicate this post (and the next one which will most likely be much more intersting than this one) to you.

Gay for a Day

If you were gay for a day (or straight for a day, if you are actualy gay), who would be your "Person-to-sleep-with"?  

Mine would be, without a doubt, Supernanny.   

I hope she brings the "Naughty chair."

And if you're bisexual... I don't want to hear about it.

Girls' Night Out

I decided to harness my waking-up-at-4 PM energy and go out again tonight. I went out dancing, which was a mistake from the beginning. The extent of my dancing is the off-beat headbob and the sprinkler. It was pretty much what I expected with one exception: the bathroom. They had guys to open the stall door for you, pump the soap pump, and turn the water on. And they had mints.

I did, however, have an intersting drink called "The Fat Black Pussycat" which was also the name of the club. It was black, with a cherry, and it tasted like childhood in a glass.

I put this photo up because it was the one I looked best in. The guy in the photo is Robert (I think). I'm not good with names.

Ungh

Tonight (last night) was by far the weirdest since I came to NY.  It's possibly the most random of my life, but I'm far too close to it to make that kind of assumption.

Rather than give the blow by blow rundown, I'll tell you what sticks out in my head.

Citibar, pool, cuestick to eye, am nicknamed blowjob queen (what?!), $100, wait no - $50, laugh.

Bar Coastal, break up fight about cuestick to eye, continue to be referred to as blowjob queen.

Cab, people from Wisconsin beat women, guy threatens Dan, Dan threatens me, constant cycle.

Some strip club, people on my lap, dollars in g-strings, more almost-fights, no $20!, bathrooms without doors, goodbye Alan. (Is that even your name?)

Home with Dan, no food places deliver at 4 am, shh-don't wake Critter.

Gas station, donuts, pizza combos, bad sandwiches, diet coke.

Home again, TV shows, why is it light out at night?, goodbye Dan, blog, bed at 6:28 AM.  

Sleep forever.

Poll

You realize that polls are to get your own answers, not to vote on my answers, right?

Poll: Things That Are Underrated

*  Owning a pet
*  Watching cartoons
*  Most of our rights/privileges
*  Good friends
*  An ice-cold just-beginning-to-freeze can of Diet Coke on a hot summer day
*  Samantha Brown (Travel Channel)
*  Not being sick
*  Sarcasm
* Roof Access
* Drinking soda in the shower

Poll: Things That Are Overrated

*  Maturity
*  Good grades
*  Waking up early
*  Solitude
*  Money
*  Advances of technology
*  Speaking a second language
*  Being completely drug-free 
*  Multi-tasking electronics
*  The importance of one vote

Just Give Up

I'm watching The View (during commercials of The Price is Right while I waited for the super to fix our shower.... just wanted to make sure that you know I don't normally watch The View).  There's a guy, Larry Norton, talking about cancer.  In the five minutes that I've been watching he has said that we might get cancer because:

*Our skin doesn't see the sun enough, and when it does it's protected
*We don't take enough Vitamin D
*We don't take enough calcium
*We take vitamins in pill-form instead of in food-form
*Smoking
*We take too many vitamins

Basically what I'm getting is that we don't know.  The only non-confusing one is smoking, but even 60% of people with lung cancer never smoked a cigarette in their life (according to the sign in the subway).  Some studies show that not having kids increases your risk of cancer.  

In the end there are very few things we know for sure.  Don't beat yourself up for smoking every once in a while, or having a soda, or forgetting your vitamin.  Maybe that "mistake" will be the thing that keeps you cancer-free.  

I'm aware that this makes me sound like one of those people who distrust "science" and the "government," but I'm not. Studies that actually get published are put through a rigorous screening process. However, it is important to look at what the study actually found rather than the conclusions that other people make from it.

Okay, that's my public service announcement. Now back to the pointless dribble. Yay!