A friend is someone who knows you and loves you just the same.

I believe that I, and my friends, are intrinsically better than other people. I understand that you probably already agree with me since you are reading my blog, but let me go through my evidence anyway.

These are some of the attributes I love about my friends, and also try to emulate.

My friends:

* will take a good pub over a danceclub or a lounge any day of the week. I want a place where I can get a pitcher (and the occasional good cosmopolitan), have a conversation, and listen to music.

* understand that "good" music is based mostly on feelings and experiences associated with songs. Also, anything you can drunkenly sing along to is good music.

* are able to talk after years of being apart as if we have lunch together every day.

* laugh at not only ourselves, but others. Nothing is so serious that we cannot laugh at it. However, we also understand that we cannot make most of our jokes in public.

* don't judge each other based on superficial, non-defining-as-a-person events. You made out with an engaged guy you just met on a stoop? Great! You snorted coke off of a key from a stranger in a public restroom? Fabulous!

* do not choose our clothes or belongings based on what is popular. In fact, when we like something that then becomes popular, we actually like it a little less.

* have a vice. Whether it's alcohol, food, drugs, reading hoaky self-help books while drinking phenomenal amounts of diet coke... it's all good.

* will laugh out loud in public, even when by ourselves.

* are never ashamed of being ourselves, even when it means crying, drunk-dialing, or otherwise violating societal norms.

* are brutally honest. Yes, that shirt does make you look fat, but the haagen-dazs doesn't help either.

* are there for each other. Cat died? Boyfriend left? Girlfriend is dumb? TV is kind of staticky? Call me.

* will tell each other when we're repeating a story. Unless the person telling it is really excited about the story, then we'll just nod and smile.

* are not afraid to be the annoying ones. Playing a 1980's version of trivial pursuit during finals week in the quiet room of the university cafe? Excellent. The answer is East Berlin, by the way.

* are random. M: "Do you ever think that you're talking, and no one is really listening?" L: "... my boobs look really big in this top... what were you saying?"

* know that we're funny. Even when other people disagree, we shake our heads and wonder what's wrong with them.

* are not completely sane. We might be manic, or depressed, or bipolar, or just be a little out of it. But, we know that it just makes life more interesting, which is good.

* are unique, despite having most of these things in common.

I am picky with friends. I believe there are several criteria that have to be fulfilled before someone is a "friend" and not just an acquaintance. A friendship of convenience is an oxymoron.

Friends must:

* know each other for at least a year. If it's less than a year, you can't know for sure.

* step up to at least one challenge. Being a friend is a privilege, not a right, and it must be earned.

* be able to be quiet with each other.

* be comfortable with each other. The more comfortable you are, the better. (Although, there are limits... Pete... I don't care if you are genetically flatulent, and Megan... knock louder next time you're early to meet me)

* have seen each other at a not-so-great point. Passed out on the toilet? Crying over a not-worth-it significant other? Falling on your ass? Actually admitting that you watch American Idol? All of these work.

* have at least one inside joke that will always be funny. Some great ones: *It's just Jews... *PIckle-palooza *Nu-unh, he gets the sperm *Life is like a cup of tea, it's all you know how to make.

* experience a "first" together. It must be a first for both of you. The bigger the experience, the better. Highlights from my list of firsts: haunted houses, the Antigo historical museum, gay-pride festival, gay bar, and several illegal activites I won't list here.

* be willing to share chapstick, soda, food, whatever. Random, yes, but still true.

* take your side in a fight. Yes it sounds a little 5th-grade, but it's even more important now.

* be willing to read your insanely long blog entries written at 2:30 AM and comment on them, telling you much how they love them and you, and that they're going to come visit you in New York City. Unless they live in New York City, in which case they are going to buy you a beer.

Girl Drama

Freaks me out. Like on Mean Girls. I can't handle it. Guys are so much simpler. And Kristin is too. And Megan. And Carrie. And any of my other female friends who read this.

11:55 AM, Today

Employee (guy): Yeah, I mean he was cute and everything, and I would've probably fucked him anyways, but I thought he was going to give me money, but then he didn't, and I was like, you know, disappointed.

Customer (old guy): You need money?

Employee: Yeah, I mean, the sex was good and all, but it was with a guy, so you know... money would be nice.

Title: Just for the thrill of it

Songs:

1. Just a Ride -- Jem
2. What About Everything -- Carbon Leaf
3. I Wish -- Skee-Lo
4. Video Killed the Radio Star -- Buggles
5. I Wear My Sunglasses At Night -- Corey Hart
6. Everyday -- Dave Matthews Band
7. You Gotta Be -- Des'ree
8. Que Sera Sera -- Doris Day
9. Proud -- Heather Small
10. Legend of a Cowgirl -- Imani Coppola
11. The Rainbow Connection -- Kermit the Frog
12. What a Wonderful World -- Louis Armstrong
13. Free to Be You and Me -- Marlo Thomas
14. 99 Luft Balloons -- Nena
15. Wig in a Box -- Hedwig and the Angry Inch

** This is a first draft.

Lindseytrack (like Soundrack, but with Lindsey... get it?)

Everyone should have their own soundtrack.

Here are the guidelines:

* 8-15 songs
* Each song should have a different reason for being on the list
* Don't be too obvious (Don't Worry Be Happy can't be on everyone's list)
* Don't just pick songs you like! God!
* The reasons shouldn't be immediately obvious (e.g. "I'm not a hollaback girl, so I'm going to pick that hollaback girl song!")
* You shouldn't pick the hollaback girl song
* The entire soundtrack, when put together, should represent where you are in your life right now; you don't need to talk about your history, or your future -- only as it connects to right now.
* Make sure you actually get the message of the song. It doesn't matter that it sounds happy if it's about how he killed a puppy for his dead girlfriend.
* Be proud of every song, and its reason for being on the list, even if its connotation isn't positive at first glance



These are the official soundtrack rules. Let me know if I've forgotten any.

I will now spend the 20 hours before my test picking my perfect soundtrack. You people know me (hopefully, unless you're CMB, or a stalker), anything I should add?

Impending Doom

Ever feel like something bad, yet undefined, is about to happen?

I assume it's a similar feeling to that of Anne Frank when she thought she heard the doorbell downstairs.


I'm going to get crap for this one, aren't I?

Review Question

Where is the pituitary gland located?

Answer: In the head.

Awake at 7:00 AM!

In an attempt to prepare for my test in a way that doesn't involve studying, I've started waking up early. Today I got up at 7:00 AM. Some of the more observant of you will say, no, you posted this at 8:00 AM. Well, it has taken me an hour to figure out what my name is and what that infernal beeping was.

However, I now have coffee and a toaster streudel and am watching Saved By the Bell. Zack had a crazy plan, but it backfired! Oh they are so original. I think it's time for another made-for-TV reunion movie.

Also, when is a cell phone company going to jump on my Zack Morris phone idea? It would be cheap to make, easy to sell, and incredibly fashionable. I want one in purple, with rhinestones.

Failure is Okay.

Last night, in order to procrastinate more, I went out for "a drink." Long story short, ended up going to sleep at 10 a.m. this morning. I just woke up and am watching The Ellen Degeneres Show that I recorded.

Best line of the night, other than the meat metaphor: "So, this guy in the bathroom asked me to snort some blow off of a key, and of course I did..."

Procratination

It is AMAZING the lengths I will go to to procrastinate.

I'm now watching a baseball game instead of studying.

I'm going to fail this test and be jobless forever. Forever!!

But ooh, the mets are winning.

It's time for a new

AIM screen name. I need ideas, because the last one was kind of a bust.

It must be:
* Funny
* Memorable
* Able to stand the test of time (aka, not "LindsinNYC")

Possible ideas:
* Smurfette
* Diet Coke
* Mike (my original name)
* Bootsrap Whore (Thanks Pete)

Maybe something to do with:
* Diet Coke
* Friday the 13th
* Queer as Folk
* Law and Order

Help!!

Blogging Sabbatical

I may not be posting for a while because my certification test is on Saturday.

Or, I will be posting a lot because I'll be procrastinating studying.

The latter is much more likely. Hence, this post at 3:13 AM.

What ever hapened to mystery?

Jess is nosy.

I Miss FAC

It makes me sad that "drink specials" in NYC are $10 pitchers of Bud Light.

It's 4:10 PM here, and it's Friday, and I should be drinking. :(

Yo-J

Does anyone remember Yo-J?  It was like juice, but also like yogurt.  I remember liking it.  

I notice that I remember liking a lot of things from my childhood, but once I experience them again, my illusion is shattered.  

Examples:
* Clarissa Explains It All
* Barbies
* Grape soda
* Glow-worm
* My Little Ponies

There are also things that are just as good as I remember them, if not better.

* PeeWee's Playhouse
* Fraggle Rock
* Those long thin popsicles that you get in boxes of 8 million that come in flavors of purple, red, and heaven
* McDonald's birthday cake (I haven't actually had this in the last decade or so, but those sugar decorations will always be fabulous)
* Late-night soft-core porn
* Muppets

Feel my muscle. No, feel it.

I joined a gym on Wednesday, for several reasons.

* They are ingenious marketers.  I went to their website (Crunch) and entered to win a free membership.  However, I did not ask to get info on joining.  The next day I get a phone call "Congratulations you have won a free membership!"  It turns out I need to go to the gym to scratch off a card to see how long my free membership is.  This got me thinking, so I went back to their website, and lo and behold (who says lo and behold?!  apparently me.) everyone wins a free membership.  Most of them are for a week, but they can go up to a year.  So, I walk into the gym to "claim my prize" knowing that it is a ruse.  Remember that.

As I'm filling out the requisite mother's-maiden-name, favorite-childhood-toy, best-sexual-position-in-a-bathroom form, Colin approaches me.  He is very chatty, almost forcibly so.  He takes me back to his desk where he tries to get me excited about winning the contest.  I say to Colin, "Colin, I'm on to you.  I know it's a ruse.  I'm smarter than you think I am, so stop talking down to me and get me a Diet Coke," or something similar.  He laughs and says that I should just scratch off my damn card.  I do, and win a free week (which is actually losing, in this ruse-of-a-game).  He decides that this means he should give me a tour.  I agree, but only for reason 2 listed below.

The gym was good. It had gym-type machines, and fit-type people which is pretty much all I expect in a gym. Also it had that wonderful gym smell. It's a clever mix of sweat, cleaning supplies, energy, and hatred. I'd buy it in a glade candle. They also have a boxing ring. If I had a nickel for every time I've felt the need for a boxing ring... um...

So, we end the tour, and we sit down to talk prices. Keep in mind, I still feel smart because I have figured them out. To make a long story short, I have now committed to a one-year membership and 20 personal training sessions. This was, in Pete's words: "an orgy of bad judgment." But like Colin and Rob and every one of their cult-like sales people said, this is an investment in Me. Whatever, I fell for their marketing. I even fell beyond their marketing.

Colin: "You should get 10 personal training sessions."
Rob: "Or 15."
Lindsey: "Okay, I'll get 20. Can I get a t-shirt too?"

My personal trainer's name is Richard. His chest is quite wide and he is very tall. When he found out he was my trainer he looked me up and down and got an evil smile on his face, like he was envisioning the pain he was going to put me through. I believe that he is a sadist.

Now what was I talking about? Oh yeah, reasons my gym rocks.

* Chris Meloni goes to my gym. He does. My roommate saw him there. This may be the motivation I need to work out.

* http://www.crunch.com/downloads/index.asp Check out the commercials on the bottom. (Sidenote-how do I do the hyperlink thing?)

* The walls are crazy colors, like purple and red. It's like the 80's, but with more sweat. (I know, how could there be more sweat than the 80's?! There just is, my friend. There just is.)

* I am signed up for a full year, so I need to feel that it's awesome to justify my money-spending. Yay for self-delusion.

I still think...

that Joey should've ended up with Dawson.  

I know it's been years, and it was only a TV show, but come on.  

Dear CMB,

I like that you read my blog. I like that anyone reads my blog. It's just that I'm so shocked when my friends actually read it, I find it difficult to believe that someone who doesn't know me finds me amusing.

Please, read on, and respond often. I dedicate this post (and the next one which will most likely be much more intersting than this one) to you.

Gay for a Day

If you were gay for a day (or straight for a day, if you are actualy gay), who would be your "Person-to-sleep-with"?  

Mine would be, without a doubt, Supernanny.   

I hope she brings the "Naughty chair."

And if you're bisexual... I don't want to hear about it.

Girls' Night Out

I decided to harness my waking-up-at-4 PM energy and go out again tonight. I went out dancing, which was a mistake from the beginning. The extent of my dancing is the off-beat headbob and the sprinkler. It was pretty much what I expected with one exception: the bathroom. They had guys to open the stall door for you, pump the soap pump, and turn the water on. And they had mints.

I did, however, have an intersting drink called "The Fat Black Pussycat" which was also the name of the club. It was black, with a cherry, and it tasted like childhood in a glass.

I put this photo up because it was the one I looked best in. The guy in the photo is Robert (I think). I'm not good with names.