I love you, Jon Stewart.

I have a new job!

It's in the uber-hip Williamsburg area (also the next city for MTV's The Real World) teaching 7th grade science. That's right, 7th graders. This should be interesting.

Also the school is on the 5th floor of a building without an elevator. Phew. My butt is going to look amazing. Also I've heard that anyone who teaches middle school loses about 30 pounds in their first semester, so get ready for a hot teacher. And an angry teacher, possibly, since 7th-graders are supposedly the craziest grade ever. They're young enough to have the impulse control and attention span of a child, but they have the hormones and attitudes of really annoying adults.

I'm excited though. I'm lesson-planning and mentally designing my own classroom.

Other than that I'm going to be spending most of July in Wisconsin with the family and Wisco friends on a lake. My dad got a cabin for me in an effort to get me to stay for more than 3 days, and it worked. Now I'm trying to find one of those old-fashioned plaid golf hats with a poofy ball on top, and a matching one for my uncle's dog. My dad also got a golf cart for me to drive around for 2 weeks on the golf roads next to the cabin. He didn't even get it from the golf course - he got it from "a guy" he knows. I think there may be a Wisconsin mafia, and my dad might be a key member. Hmm.... Oh well, as long as I have my golf cart, I'm not going to ask any questions. :)

Best (worst?) anti-pot commercial ever.

Hmm...

My Personality

Neuroticism	43
Extraversion	53
Openness to Experience	38
Agreeableness	0
Conscientiousness	12

You are a calm person who is considered almost fearless by some, however you feel enraged when things do not go your way. You are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter if you think you are being cheated. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You are not interested in the arts and do not display aesthetic sensitivity. You will help others if they are in need. If people ask for too much of your time you feel that they are imposing on you, however you believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining and are sometimes seen as unreliable or even irresponsible by others.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

Neuroticism

Overall Score 43
Anxiety 14
Anger 95
Depression 19
Self-Consciousness 22
Immoderation 94
Vulnerability 17

You are a calm person who is considered almost fearless by some. You feel enraged when things do not go your way. You are sensitive about being treated fairly and feel resentful and bitter if you think you are being cheated. You very rarely feel depressed and are usually in a good frame of mind. You do not feel nervous in social situations, and have a good impression of what others think of you. You feel strong cravings and urges that you have difficulty resisting. You tend to prefer short-term pleasures and rewards over long-term consequences. You are poised, confident, and clear-thinking when stressed.



Extraversion

Overall Score 53
Friendliness 31
Gregariousness 33
Assertiveness 84
Activity Level 13
Excitement-Seeking 62
Cheerfulness 89

People generally perceive you as distant and reserved, and you do not usually reach out to others. You like crowds but sometimes feel overwhelmed by them. Sometimes you feel like you need some privacy and time for yourself. You like to speak out, take charge, and direct the activities of others. You are usually the leader in group activites. You lead a leisurely and relaxed life. You would prefer to sit back and smell the roses than indulge in high energy activities. You enjoy some excitment and risk taking in your life. You experience a range of positive feelings, including happiness, enthusiasm, optimism, and joy.



Openness to Experience

Overall Score 38
Imagination 43
Artistic Interests 0
Emotionality 91
Adventurousness 41
Intellect 37
Liberalism 69

You are a moderately imaginative person who enjoys a good balance between the real world and fantasy. You are not interested in the arts and do not display aesthetic sensitivity. You have good access to and awareness of your own feelings. Familiar routines are good, but sometimes you like to spice up your life with a bit of adventure or activity. You enjoy a certain amount of debate or intellectual thought, but sometimes get bored with too much. Often you exhibit a readiness to challenge authority, convention, and traditional values. Sometimes you feel a certain degree of hostility toward rules and perhaps even enjoy ambiguity.



Agreeableness

Overall Score 0
Trust 14
Morality 3
Altruism 39
Cooperation 4
Modesty 8
Sympathy 21

You generally see others as selfish, devious, and sometimes potentially dangerous. You believe that a certain amount of deception in social relationships is necessary. You are guarded in new relationships and less willing to openly reveal the whole truth about yourself. You will help others if they are in need. If people ask for too much of your time you feel that they are imposing on you. You are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You feel superior to those around you and sometimes tend to be seen as arrogant by other people. You are not affected strongly by human suffering, priding yourself on making objective judgments based on reason. You are more concerned with truth and impartial justice than with mercy.



Conscientiousness

Overall Score 12
Self-Efficacy 35
Orderliness 16
Dutifulness 31
Achievement-Striving 9
Self-Discipline 23
Cautiousness 26

You are moderately confident that you can achieve the goals you set yourself. In general you tend to be disorganized and scattered. You find contracts, rules, and regulations overly confining and are sometimes seen as unreliable or even irresponsible by others. You are content to get by with a minimal amount of work, and might be seen by others as lazy. You find yourself procrastinating and show poor follow-through on tasks. Often you fail to complete tasks - even tasks that you want very much to complete. You often say or do the first thing that comes to mind without deliberating alternatives and the probable consequences of those alternatives.

If you haven't watched the show "Home Movies", you haven't truly lived.

Blog Post Title

I love it.

April 12! (link)

I'm going to help clean up a NYC park in Brooklyn. If you're anywhere near NYC, you should come help. I'll even buy you a Diet Coke.

If you're not in NYC, or you don't particularly want to pick up NYC garbage (I don't blame you), you should donate! My goal is $5,000, and as I post this I am at a whopping $0, so I need your help. Any donation would be great, even as little as $5 - you can donate online using this link or you can give to me in person. You can check this link to see a picture of me picking up trash... and one of my face, in case you forgot what I looked like. Doesn't that face make you want to give money? Aww, you know it does!

Thanks, and I love you. Unless you didn't donate, and then I merely like you.

Penis-obsessed? (link)

Go here, the Icelanedic Phallological Museum. It's a museum entirely devoted to the penii (penises?) of every land and sea mammal found in Iceland.

From my page-a-day calendar

"Sex makes you happy, and happy people don't run a 3:47 mile."

--Marty Liquori, a famous miler, on why it's better to abstain from sex before an important race.


The parasitic disease, Chagas disease, is caused by the protozoa Trypanosoma cruzi. It is transmitted by the giant reduvid bug, or kissing bug. But you don't get it from kissing or being kissed. This lovely bug defecates in your eye while biting you on the face.

Tales from the Office

Guy at work: How's your celery?

Me: Crunchy.

Guy: Good, there's nothing worse than flaccid celery.

Me: Well, there's one thing worse than flaccid celery...

Guy: Okay that's true.