Last Friday I went to an event for people who are "new to NYC." I felt a little dumb, but I wanted to get out of the apartment. At said event I met some decently nice people, had quite possibly the worst cosmopolitan ever made, and freaked out my mom by telling her that I was going out at night by myself in New York City. She strongly believes that it is is a fluke that I have not yet been murdered.
Saturday Dan (Manna) and I went to a Mexican place where we had burritos that were stuffed with what tasted like rats. The atmosphere contributed to the badness. I didn't think anything wraped in a tortilla could be so foul (with the exception of my 10th grade math teacher, but that's a long story).
We then went to brokeback mountain. I didn't like it, and this is why:
*Very little naked cowboy sex. Very little. Just enough to keep me from asking for my money back.
*Guy in front of us kept glaring at me/Dan. We were in the makeout seats in the back! It's expected that we're loud! Just be glad that we were talking and not making squishing sounds.
*The theatre didn't have nuclear squirms. Nor did they have sprite. It's a horrible world we live in. Also, the bathrooms smelled and had a long line.
*The movie script seemed to be written in about 5 minutes.
*There was very little lead-up to them being gay. It was just sort of "well, we're sleeping in the same tent, we might as well have anal sex." Although this has happened many times before, it didn't seem to work in the film.
*I saw Michelle Williams' boobs. It ruined Dawson's Creek for me forever. Either that or made it much more interesting... No! It ruined it!
*Dee-pak, a colorful limo driver we met on the way to the movie, didn't see it with us. It's a shame, because we would've filled the make-out row then.
All of these combined made for a mediocre movie-viewing experience. Thank God I had such a tall person to talk to, or it wouldn't have been a fun night.
Random side note, as mentioned by Dan, a horrible safeword for anal sex is "Harder." Remember that, kiddies.
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3 comments:
You can't say Manna. That takes away the fun for me.
I haven't seen it yet.
I'm not sure what a nuclear squirm is. I'm not sure I want to know. Does it have something to do with the bathroom smell?
I don't want to see Michelle Williams' boobs.
Sidenote duly noted.
Goodnight.
you know, the book is only like 50 pages long. they didn't have much to write off of.
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over.... oh man. Everyone in Dawson's creek saw her boobs, so just consider yourself a part of the creek.
I want to see brokeback mountain, but I'll definitely keep your warnings in mind. Although, the tent thing kind of sucks. Wouldn't there be some internal struggle. Those assholes! Ha... I mean... damnit!
People new to New York, eh? Sounds like it might be fun. A better name for it might have been "get drunk and hook up with strangers" night.
HARDER
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