This was an email, but it's too good of a story not to share.

I most definitely got WASTED at our 30 minute "wine and cheese reception" and then spent the next 2 hours in and out of the bathroom throwing up at City College when I was supposed to be watching a movie about special ed. Then I came home and passed out when everyone else went out to celebrate our class being over... I just woke up.

They had this horrible boxed wine, and they ran out so most people just got a glass or two (if that). So people kept coming to our table to ask us if they could have some of ours. I was like the wine nazi.

Girl: "Can I have two glasses of your wine? It's for me and my friend."
Lindsey: "Well, you can have ONE glass. Which glass would you like me to fill?"
Girl: "Um... this one?"
Lindsey: "Fine."

We had about 4 carafes to ourselves because I hijacked some under a sweater, then a classmate and I sweettalked a guy in the kitchen into giving us two more. I had only had a bag of famous amos chocolate chip cookies and a can of diet coke to eat for the entire day. It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Eric: What are we doing this afternoon?
Lindsey: We're watching a movie about retarded kids.
Tiffany (girl from my class who appears quite innocent): We're watching a movie about what it's like to be special ed in the classroom.
Lindsey: Yeah. What did I say?

The best part of the evening (and by evening I mean time span from 3:30 to 4:00 pm) was probably when I did an imitation of Judith (the crazy teacher we got to quit/got fired) and what she would be like if she was having sex with Eric. (all done very loudly and with a Bronx accent)

NO! THAT'S NOT THE CLITORIS! DAMNIT I'M FROM THE BRONX, BITCH.

JUST RUB IT! RUB IT HARDER! FUCK YOU! THAT'S NOT RIGHT, WHAT, ARE YOU DUMB? ARE YOU RETARDED?

JUST GET OUT OF MY WAY. LET ME DO IT MYSELF. JUST GO SIT IN THE CORNER AND MASTURBATE. JESUS.

I shouted this all during this very innocent reception. It was such a bad idea to give us wine. Bad idea. I think I'm going to lie to everyone and just say I was wandering around looking at things. When I got back to class I had 7 missed calls from people asking where I was.

Another good one:

Lindsey: How much wine do you think there is?
Millie (Girl who is hilarious because she is only 20 and spent a year in nun-school before deciding that she didn't want to be a nun. She has my sense of maturity and evilness. When people ask why she quit nun-school she says "Because I needed the cock.") Well I think there will be a lot, because they get enough for everyone... and some people don't drink.
Lindsey: Yeah, those people are dumb.
Millie: Sometimes religious people don't drink.
Lindsey: What?! Why not? It's the blood of Christ for God's sake.
Several people glare at us while Millie (ex-future-Nun) doubles over in laughter.


And I just realized I have NOTHING to wear tomorrow. I was going to do laundry today... but getting drunk at 3:30 isn't really conducive to that. Looks like it's "poufy skirt and sweatshirt" day... again...


Haha, my horoscope: How can you have a life if you spend all your time worrying about what might happen? Courage is just fear that has a sense of faith. Acknowledge all your worries and then resolve to move forward anyway. "I'm going to get really drunk because I haven't eaten anything today..." It freaks me out when horoscopes are so damn correct.

Okay... I just took half a tylenol pm so I'm off to bed. I hope that you had a fun night as well. I'm sure I'll talk to you tomorrow, assuming I don't spend the whole day in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings.