Dear Diary,

I was at my parents' house this weekend and found my childhood diaries (at least the ones I didn't throw away), and let me tell you - it is a wonder that I was not in therapy as a child. Maybe that wasn't as big of a thing in the 80's, but they probably should have made an exception for me.

Most of my entries had three themes: Food, Gifts, and Boys. Here's a representative example:

February 14, 1992
Dear Diary,
Today was Valentine's Day. I got lots of presents. I got a card that sings - it's sooo cool! I also got a shirt, and a bear, and a pen, and some stickers, and some socks, and a troll, and a video. Then we ate macaroni and cheese and hot dogs and had cake and juice for dessert. I ate some candy too. And ice cream. I love Jeff*, he's sooo cute. I just want to see him naked and kiss him. I hope Jenny* doesn't talk to him and flirt with him like a bitch again. I hate Jenny.


*Names changed to protect the innocent.